This is the day...

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day that rocked my world. The day that could change my life.

"Suspicious." Such an interesting word. When I think of this word, I think of spys and terrorists. Well, now it has a whole new meaning to me. Today, "suspicious" was a word in a radiologist report. Today, "suspicious" was used to describe a large mass in my right breast. Today, "suspicious" could mean cancer.

Did you know a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer every 3 minutes? Today, I am not one of them. Today, I am waiting to see if I will be one of them. Today, I'm just "suspicious."

Apparently, surgeons are very tight-lipped people. He won't tell me that its absolutely cancer. He just says that word again, except he puts another word in front of it - "highly-suspicious." Really?!? Like you don't see this every day. Like you can't tell me yes or no?!? Seriously?!? I keep pushing until my poor husband, who understands this tight-lipped surgeon language, tells me, "Krissy, it's probably cancer."

This still doesn't satisfy me. "Probably?!?" "Probably highly suspicious?!" I need a definite. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, apparently we still have to take the duck to the operating room, dissect it, send off the pieces, and wait for a pathology report  to say, "Yep,it's a duck!"

So, this little duck is on the OR schedule for Friday. Two days from now they will remove the large 4.15 cm probably highly suspicious mass from my right breast. Then I wait some more. Up to one week for the report to come back to see if it is a duck. To see what the "probably highly suspicious" mass will now be called.

Benign - we were wrong about our suspicions. There is no cancer. You are fine. or "It's cancer." Will the tight-lipped surgeon really say the "c" word?

Whatever it is, I'm prepared. I'm one of those that prefers to research it and scare the poo out of myself and be prepared to face the worst, than sticking my head in the sand and pretending all is okay. I would rather be pleasantly surprised than utterly devasted.

But, if it's cancer, can I really be prepared? Yes, yes, I can. There is no room in my head or heart for doubt right now. God never puts more on us than we can bear. So, apparently I'm a warrior princess and all will be okay. Boobs and hair can all be replaced. This will not kill me!

This is my first attempt at blogging and some may find this wierd that I'm putting my very personal business out there for all to see. But I have to. This is me. I have to know that some good can come out of all this. My reason for this is not to share my business with everyone to have people feel sorry for me.

My reason is simple. I am only 32!!! 32, people! I had never done a self breast exam. I mean, come on, I'm 32! Something possesed me (guided by God) to attempt a self breast exam two and a half months ago while taking a shower. I felt the lump, assumed it was a cyst. Why? Because I'm only 32! The odds were slim to none it was anything to be concerned about. Well, Hello "slim to none," I'd like you to meet "highly suspicious."

So, if you are a woman, or if you love a woman, go feel on some boobs! Seriously, I don't care if you are 21, 32 or 48 years old, please, please go right now and do a self breast exam. Husbands, if you love your woman, feel her boobs. Go in circles and feel for any lumps or bumps, no matter how small. If you find something, don't wait! Call your dr. Mammograms aren't that bad, especially if it can save your life. Please, please, do this for me. I pray you don't have to endure the words "highly suspicious."

Another very selfish reason for this blog is prayers. I am not too proud to ask for prayers. I believe God is listening to each and every one and it makes me stronger.

For now, this little duck sits and waits on what to call her "probably highly suspicious" mass.
On Friday, they will remove the mass and then one more week of wait. I can do this. I got this.

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24