that I have more tests, but I'm thinking about playing ball.

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day after I had more tests done and the day before I will have more tests done. As my doctor so delicately put it, "You have the blood pressure of a 85 year old man." I wanted to stick my tongue out and say, "Nu, Uh! I had a juvenile fibroadenoma!" I am holding on to that juvenile classification, in case you couldn't tell. So, my internal doctor is doing a workup to find the root of this sudden high blood pressure. Leave it to me to never have high blood pressure and then have 165/108. So, yesterday I had more tests.

Today, I get a letter from my oncologist. He has me set up for a high powered ultrasound of my pancreas. In the morning. Today, I feel that fear creeping back in. Today I begin to quiz my husband again. Today I learn that apparently there have been some cases, although rare, where hives have been associated with some pancreatic malignancies. However, today, I feel as though he is just doing this as a courtesy to my husband. Today, I put the fear aside. Today, I know that each step these doctors take are being led by God and everything they do is for a reason. Today, I feel we will rule out all the really bad stuff (like cancer) and then get to the not so bad root of the hives and high blood pressure. Today, I will concentrate on baseball. Yes, I said baseball. Wee ball, to be exact.

My 4 year old daughter decided to play ball this year. Wee ball. This is my first experience with wee ball. Tee ball, I've seen, not wee ball. Wee ball is hilarious. In case you didn't know, in wee ball, there are no outs, no one keeps score and no one wins or loses. So how is this playing ball, you say? Well, best as I can figure out, it teaches them the fundamentals of playing ball. They now know how to hit off a tee, how to throw, how to catch and how to run the bases, well, sort of. In wee ball, everyone helps everyone. If there is a kid up to bat that can't or won't hit the ball, one of the coaches helps them hit the ball. If there is a kid that won't run the bases, I have seen coaches physically pick up the child and carry them around the bases! If the ball is going to go outside of the bases, the coaches stop the ball with their foot so the child can get to it easier. As Molly's coach put it, "It's like herding cats." Anyway, as I was sitting there watching my daughter's wee ball game Saturday and laughing, it hit me. I have been playing wee ball with God!

Today I realized how much God is leading me toward a bigger goal, a purpose, a bigger game. Today, I realize I have been playing wee ball with God. He gave me my Christian uniform, he suited me up. He gave me all my protective gear to get into the game. Today, I realize that, for years I have been that shy little 3-4 year old Christian. He had to lead me to the plate. Not ready for the ball to be pitched to me, He set me up. He let me use the tee. He made it easy. I have made it hard. I finally hit the ball a few times, taking advantage of the God-given set up of life that was handed to me.

He knows where I need to go and leads me toward the bases, sometimes, dragging me there. Today, I have realized that I have learned the fundamentals of being a Christian, the basics, but I know I'm now too old for wee ball. I know I have had the rule book for quite some time now and pick it up and thumb through it and study passages here and there, but reading The Good Book in its entirety, I have not done. Today, I realize it's time. Time to move on to a much bigger game. God just hit one out of the park for me!!! It's the perfect set up to take off on my closer walk with God. With His lead, run where he wants me to go. Be ready for the fast balls life will throw. I picture God, my awesome coach, handing me my hot pink helmet and saying, "Play ball."

Today, I realize God knows the ending. Just like He knew the beginning. My coach has prepared and is continuing to prepare me for this game. I've taken a few hits, but I know it's part of the game, part of the bigger plan. God has led me here. I can only pray that my heart and mind will be open enough to listen to His coaching and I can play the best game I know how.

God put this passage in front of me on Sunday.

"For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many rebound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory." 2 Corinthians 4: 15-17.

God has put these afflictions in my path. He has a reason. I have full faith that none of these afflictions are to cause harm, but to serve a purpose in the big game. Not wee ball anymore. This will make me a better player, a better Christian, just as long as I listen to my Coach.

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24