"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day before the day that everything is going to get better! This is my new philosophy. This is what has kept me sane since February 10th. This is what happened.
Having a headache is nothing new. I woke up with a headache one morning in mid October, and I have had a headache every day since. On Feb. 9th and 10th, the headache was getting progressively worse. After relaying this to my doctor, I was told this was more than likely it was the diagnosis they had been toying with, Hashimotos Encephalopathy, and that I should start immediately taking 60mg of prednisone. 60?!?! Seriously?!? Anyone who has ever taken prednisone can understand my hesitation. My current dosage has been 5-10mg a day. I couldn't imagine the side effects of 60?! I was going to be bouncing off the walls hyper! Goodbye, sleep, nice knowing ya! Goodbye cheekbones, again. Well, I had to do something and maybe this would get it under control. I took the 60 and sat down in my recliner waiting for it to kick in.
My heart rate increased. Here it comes. Wait, I feel strange. I can't hold my head up. My head feels like it weighs a hundred pounds. My eyelids keep closing. It is an effort to keep them open. This definitely isn't the side effects I expected. My tongue wouldn't work like I wanted it to. My speech was slow. Uh oh. Not good. Better call someone. Mom n dad were getting ready for my niece's beauty pageant, so I didn't want to call them. I didn't want anyone getting scared because this was about to pass, I was sure of it. Called my sweet friend. She confirmed what my slow mind was telling me - might better go to the hospital. Then my tongue and the right side of my face went tingly then numb. My left arm started to ache and feel strange, then my left leg. I tried to get out of my recliner and almost passed out. Yep, might better do something. Called my super sweet neighbor, who was there in an instant. She confirmed the hospital plan and loaded up myself, her 2 kids, and my 2 kids and headed to the hospital. Thank you, Lord, for good friends!
As I sat in the ER waiting room, the symptoms got worse. The headache was bad and it felt as if there was lots of pressure in my head. I did finally call my parents, who were there in record time, of course. My mom kept telling me to wake up. I was awake and aware of what going on, I just couldn't keep my eyelids open and didn't want to move. It was all too much effort. This, my friends, is a very scary feeling. Then, an even stranger feeling hit. Now, I have never passed out, and have no idea what it feels like, but I assume it felt like this. I felt as if I were losing myself, as if I were sinking into something. This something wasn't scary while it was happening. It was somewhat comforting. Like snuggling down in a deep sleep. Then I heard my moms voice and felt an extreme wave of nausea and awful headache. I snapped out of it. Ok, that was scary.
Long story short, I got admitted for 3 days of high dose IV steroids, the first treatment for Hashimotos Encephalopathy. This, of course, after nurses and doctors alike said, "Hashimotos encephalopathy?! I've never seen that!" Then when seeing me later (after I know they went and googled it) telling me how rare that diagnosis really was! Lol! They began the IV steroids and by the next night, I was feeling better. After 2 days worth, the strange symptoms were gone. Awesome! This would cure it! Wonderful! I came home just in time to help Molly get her valentines ready for her class.
Then the symptoms came back: right side of face and tongue numb, left arm and leg weakness, pressure in head, bad headache, extreme lethargy, slow thought process. This is what I began referring to as "spells." during each spell, I would always wonder if the feeling in my face and the other symptoms would subside or leave permanent damage. The spell began lasting longer. I was out of the hospital a whole 10 days (on 60mg prednisone) before my neurologist at LSU agreed to try HE treatment #2-IVIG therapy. I was admitted to LSU for 5 days of IVIG. Now, I could write a book about what happened there, but I know you don't what to hear all that. I can sum it up by saying that my symptoms were doubted, unnecessary tests ran and crazy stupid diagnoses given. The only thing that got me through that without strangling anyone was knowing that the IVIG was the next line of treatment for HE.
I did feel somewhat better while in the hospital, but don't know if it was the IVIG or that I was just laying around not doing anything. I also learned that my neurologist, not being sure of the HE diagnosis, gave me the lowest recommended dose of the IVIG. Soooooo, when I got home and the symptoms once again returned, the question was, was the IVIG not working, or was the IVIG dosage too low?!? Ugh! But, I did get home just in time for my baby's 2nd birthday! Then the symptoms returned.
I was on my own again to try to find treatment. None of my doctors here would see me with neurological symptoms. My neurologist told me she was going to call it a "simple migraine" and to follow up in 6 weeks. Really?!?! Reeeeeeally?!?! Scratch her off the list. I do research to see what doctors close to us have ever treated HE. I found a doctor in Dallas at UT Southwestern that is a neuroimmunologist and has treated HE and done research on autoimmune diseases of the brain. I called. His first appointment is June. Seriously?!? Well, if he received ALL my medical records and it was determined I needed to be seen earlier, THEN he might get me an earlier appointment. Well, that was 3 weeks ago and LSU STILL hasn't sent my medical records!
In the meantime, I am still having "spells." On a good day, only 2 or 3, on a bad day, many more. I can't drive because of the spells. If I do too much, like try to pick up the house or simply take care of an active 2 year old, the spells are worse and/or last longer. Oh, and a new symptom was thrown in a couple weeks ago - nausea. So I take nausea meds at least twice a day.
I have to say that I couldn't have made it without my sweet momma. I thank God every day for her. She has practically lived with us to take care of me and the kids! Still can't be seen by a doctor. Tried to be seen by another neurologist in town just to be told that he had to have LSU records. Well, scratch that one off cause that'll never happen.
But life goes on. I might be watching it from the couch, but life goes on. I feel bad because I am tired of complaining. I know people probably don't want to call to check on me because I sound like a broken record. Things that I had volunteered for, and had every intention of doing, I can no longer do. I know people must think I'm just making excuses. I know it's hard for people to understand that I am having multiple episodes of stroke- like symptoms every day. I mean, seriously, who has that?! Well, me. I just hope they understand.
People say, "How are you?" My response here lately, "making it." because that is what I'm doing - making it. Taking one day at a a time. Every day saying, "Tomorrow will be better." one day, I'll be right. Well, today is a little better because I'm able to type this. Maybe tomorrow will be even better.
How often do you say "How are you?" to someone? Here in the south, probably quite a lot. Do you mean it? I think the two most overused and sometimes abused sayings in the south are "How are you doing?" and "I'll pray for you." Well, do you REALLY want to know how that person is doing? Do you have the time to really hear how that person is doing? Do you really even care? If not, don't say it. Try just saying Hi! Are you REALLY going to pray for that person or were you just letting the person know that you hated what that were going through or did it just look good on Facebook? I'm not saying I haven't ever been guilty of these, but after all this, I will listen closely when I ask "how are you?" and will surely pray after I say I will.
I will also not say " if there is anything you need, please let me know" without meaning it. I want to be that friend or relative that you can count on. In the hospital and so bored you could cry? I want you to feel free to call me and say "I just need someone here" or "could you bring me some movies or magazines." or "this food is horrible. Could you bring me something edible?" I can only hope to be that friend if ever needed. If we are going to be sicky sweet to people in the south, let's back it up and mean what we say!
Sorry, I digress. So, right now, I am waiting. Waiting on an appointment. Praying the symptoms don't get worse, only better. I don't care what the diagnosis may be, I just want to get better. But I am most definitely not waiting on God! He has been here with me through everything. Without him, I surely would've broken. The pain, symptoms, medication side effects that have altered my appearance like never before, all of this is bearable because He is with me. He assures me that I will make it through. He gives me the strength that I do have and emotional strength like never before. He pulls me out of my pity party and helps me to see all the many blessings in my life! Even through this, I am so blessed! And to think, tomorrow will be even better!!!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
For more information about Hashimotos Encephalopathy
http://www.thyroid-info.com/hashimotos-encephalopathy.htm
http://thyroid.about.com/cs/hashimotos/a/encephalopathy.htm
Monday, March 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
...that God spoke to my heart and I'm making a change.
"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that my hives are currently in remission. I am almost scared to say that out loud. After 1 1/2 years of hives and only one other period of remission of only a week, I am cautiously saying this. I am, however, gratefully saying this and praising God while saying this!
Well, last I left you, I had a spot on my brain and had just had a spinal tap. Well, the results of the spinal tap were negative, but they still don't know what the spot is in my brain. Comforting, right? The spot is in the center of my brain in the corpus callosum and apparently that is pretty rare, but when have I ever been normal? I had the specialists scrambling for a while. They were scratching their heads and consulting other specialists throughout the country. One doctor said, "Are you sure you are ok? I mean, I just told you that you definitely have a spot on your brain and that it has grown and that we have no clue as to what it is and you seem to be taking this quite well." My response: "Oh, I'm used to it, and I know God has it all under control." And He did. He does. The doctors, they consulted. They tested. They conferenced. They passed it off to other doctors. But that is fine. Here is what we learned. There is a spot in the center of my brain that has doubled in size since 2007. It is not Multiple Sclerosis. It is not actively growing cancer. It is currently dormant. Follow up MRI in 6 months.
So, my life the past year. Lump in breast, 90% chance of cancer. Lump removed. No cancer. Mass found in liver. Liver biopsy. No cancer. Spot found in brain. No MS. No cancer. Hives all over for 1 1/2 years. 1 trip to Mayo Clinic. Daily migraines. 16 current medications. Emotional status: wobbly. Physical status: getting better. Spiritual status: God has carried me through it all and I am closer to Him that ever before. Praise God for allowing me to go through all this if for no other reason than to be closer to Him! This is my testimony!!!
Now, all that said, I have to tell you what happened to me. It has to be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me in my entire life. Now, I have heard people say, "God spoke to me." Well, I have to admit, I never really fully understood this. I am being completely honest here. I am a believer that God can speak to your heart. I have heard that still quiet voice before, but a few weeks ago, man, God SPOKE to me! I mean SPOKE to me. I have always wanted to help somehow with mission work, but never knew how I could help. I am a stay-at-home mom and a sick one at that, with a husband that is working all the time. How could I help? How could I pack up and head to a foreign country, as appealing as that sounds sometimes.
Well, I was sitting in evening service and I heard God speak to me, telling me my place was in prison ministry. My response? Uh uh. Shoot. He must be talking to someone else. Uh, nope. He made it clear. In my head and in my heart like never before. Prison ministry. Prison ministry?! Nah. Yep. But... No, buts. Prison ministry. Wow. But I'm not equipped. I'm not knowledgeable enough. But God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. So, I sent my preacher an email to ask him if there was a prison ministry that our church participates in, and sure enough, there was, and guess what? The lady that is over the women's prison ministry had just, that same day, told our preacher that she needed help. Yep, God SPOKE to me that day. Now, I haven't been to the prison yet. I am getting prepared. There is a part of me that keeps wanting to get scared, but then God jumps up and assures me that He has prepared me my whole life for this. He gave me my testimony, now it's time to use it!
Our preacher asked one day, what if you made one positive Christian change that you stuck with the entire year? What would your year look like? Have you taken the time out of your busy life to have quiet time with God so He can speak to you and give you direction? Sometimes we are so caught up in the craziness of life and trying to figure out what we want that we forget to just stop. and listen. and pray. and listen. and God will give us the guidance and direction we so desperately desire. And sometimes, we don't even realize we need it. We think our lives are absolutely perfect just the way they are. Then something happens to shake things up a bit and we find ourselves hitting our knees in prayer like never before.
Now, here lately, I have heard a lot of people turning away from churches or saying "I'm not going to that church. They are a bunch of hypocrites." or "I just don't like their song service, so I'm changing churches," etc, etc, etc. Well, people, no church is perfect, and it is when you put your faith in man that you will be disappointed EVERY time. Put your faith in God, not man. Let God lead you to a place you can worship with people who believe like you so you have a church body to lean on and rely on. I do feel having a church is an integral part of a close walk with God, however not the only part. For me, it helps me stay close to God to hear God's word spoken and studied. It helps me to kneel at the alter. A church is a place for sinners, not saints. But as a wise man once said, "I'd rather go to Heaven with a bunch of hypocrites, than to hell with everyone else."
But I digress. My whole point was to see if I could get someone else to help me with a New Year's resolution. It has nothing to do with losing weight. My resolution is to take more time for those quiet moments with God. To listen to Him more. To go where He leads me and to witness to those He puts in my path. Sounds scary, I know, but God is bigger than scary, and with Him at the lead, we can do this. I know there are a lot of you who already do this and have done this for a while. I would love to hear feedback from all of you! If we make this one little change, imagine how our year will look?!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that my hives are currently in remission. I am almost scared to say that out loud. After 1 1/2 years of hives and only one other period of remission of only a week, I am cautiously saying this. I am, however, gratefully saying this and praising God while saying this!
Well, last I left you, I had a spot on my brain and had just had a spinal tap. Well, the results of the spinal tap were negative, but they still don't know what the spot is in my brain. Comforting, right? The spot is in the center of my brain in the corpus callosum and apparently that is pretty rare, but when have I ever been normal? I had the specialists scrambling for a while. They were scratching their heads and consulting other specialists throughout the country. One doctor said, "Are you sure you are ok? I mean, I just told you that you definitely have a spot on your brain and that it has grown and that we have no clue as to what it is and you seem to be taking this quite well." My response: "Oh, I'm used to it, and I know God has it all under control." And He did. He does. The doctors, they consulted. They tested. They conferenced. They passed it off to other doctors. But that is fine. Here is what we learned. There is a spot in the center of my brain that has doubled in size since 2007. It is not Multiple Sclerosis. It is not actively growing cancer. It is currently dormant. Follow up MRI in 6 months.
So, my life the past year. Lump in breast, 90% chance of cancer. Lump removed. No cancer. Mass found in liver. Liver biopsy. No cancer. Spot found in brain. No MS. No cancer. Hives all over for 1 1/2 years. 1 trip to Mayo Clinic. Daily migraines. 16 current medications. Emotional status: wobbly. Physical status: getting better. Spiritual status: God has carried me through it all and I am closer to Him that ever before. Praise God for allowing me to go through all this if for no other reason than to be closer to Him! This is my testimony!!!
Now, all that said, I have to tell you what happened to me. It has to be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me in my entire life. Now, I have heard people say, "God spoke to me." Well, I have to admit, I never really fully understood this. I am being completely honest here. I am a believer that God can speak to your heart. I have heard that still quiet voice before, but a few weeks ago, man, God SPOKE to me! I mean SPOKE to me. I have always wanted to help somehow with mission work, but never knew how I could help. I am a stay-at-home mom and a sick one at that, with a husband that is working all the time. How could I help? How could I pack up and head to a foreign country, as appealing as that sounds sometimes.
Well, I was sitting in evening service and I heard God speak to me, telling me my place was in prison ministry. My response? Uh uh. Shoot. He must be talking to someone else. Uh, nope. He made it clear. In my head and in my heart like never before. Prison ministry. Prison ministry?! Nah. Yep. But... No, buts. Prison ministry. Wow. But I'm not equipped. I'm not knowledgeable enough. But God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. So, I sent my preacher an email to ask him if there was a prison ministry that our church participates in, and sure enough, there was, and guess what? The lady that is over the women's prison ministry had just, that same day, told our preacher that she needed help. Yep, God SPOKE to me that day. Now, I haven't been to the prison yet. I am getting prepared. There is a part of me that keeps wanting to get scared, but then God jumps up and assures me that He has prepared me my whole life for this. He gave me my testimony, now it's time to use it!
Our preacher asked one day, what if you made one positive Christian change that you stuck with the entire year? What would your year look like? Have you taken the time out of your busy life to have quiet time with God so He can speak to you and give you direction? Sometimes we are so caught up in the craziness of life and trying to figure out what we want that we forget to just stop. and listen. and pray. and listen. and God will give us the guidance and direction we so desperately desire. And sometimes, we don't even realize we need it. We think our lives are absolutely perfect just the way they are. Then something happens to shake things up a bit and we find ourselves hitting our knees in prayer like never before.
Now, here lately, I have heard a lot of people turning away from churches or saying "I'm not going to that church. They are a bunch of hypocrites." or "I just don't like their song service, so I'm changing churches," etc, etc, etc. Well, people, no church is perfect, and it is when you put your faith in man that you will be disappointed EVERY time. Put your faith in God, not man. Let God lead you to a place you can worship with people who believe like you so you have a church body to lean on and rely on. I do feel having a church is an integral part of a close walk with God, however not the only part. For me, it helps me stay close to God to hear God's word spoken and studied. It helps me to kneel at the alter. A church is a place for sinners, not saints. But as a wise man once said, "I'd rather go to Heaven with a bunch of hypocrites, than to hell with everyone else."
But I digress. My whole point was to see if I could get someone else to help me with a New Year's resolution. It has nothing to do with losing weight. My resolution is to take more time for those quiet moments with God. To listen to Him more. To go where He leads me and to witness to those He puts in my path. Sounds scary, I know, but God is bigger than scary, and with Him at the lead, we can do this. I know there are a lot of you who already do this and have done this for a while. I would love to hear feedback from all of you! If we make this one little change, imagine how our year will look?!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Sunday, November 27, 2011
...that I let a headache keep me from church.
"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I went to church. I know, good for me, right? Well, I am ashamed to say I haven't been to church in 5 weeks. I let a headache keep me from worshipping in the house of the Lord.
Five weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I woke up with a headache and stiff neck. I thought I had slept on it wrong, but the pain and stiffness continued to get worse. Of course, with my luck, I was thinking, grreeeeeat, I have meningitis!? Went to the doctor, and he did bloodwork to rule that out, thank goodness. Well, the stiff neck slowly got better over the next week, but the headaches continued. I tried massage, chiropractor, and anything else I could think of. The headaches were pretty bad, and would not ease up.I even slept in the recliner a few nights because it hurt worse to lay down. I let a headache keep me from church.
My doctor ordered an MRI of the neck and head to see if he could find a cause for the headache. I was expecting something might show up on the neck images. Maybe a pinched nerve or something causing headaches and the pain going down my arm and my leg giving out on me. Well, the neck was fine, but there "seems to be something in the brain." Uh, come again? "Well, it could be a number of things, but don't worry, I just want to get a few more images to get a better look."
I let a headache keep me from church.
That was on a Friday, and another MRI was set up for Monday. I went in to see my doctor on Tuesday expecting him to say after looking further, it was nothing. Wait, this is me. Nothing? Yeah, right. Apparently the radiologist was "very concerned" with what he saw. He did tell my doctor that he had never seen anything like it, and he is a neuroradiologist. Not really what you wanna hear. Actually, while the doctor was going through the list of possibilities, I kinda zoned out. I admit, I was freaking out. He said the radiologist compared the MRI to one I had in 2007, and the spot wasn't there then. It was there now. Breathe. Breathe. Lumbar, what? A spinal tap? I tried to convince him I didn't need one. I really didn't like the way it sounded. His response? "If this was my wife or myself with these results, I would get a lumbar puncture as soon as possible." Oh, man! That can't be good.
I let a headache keep me from church.
I walked out of there in a fog. Having something in my breast is one thing, having something in my brain is a whole other level of scary. I had to compose myself. I had to call my mom to tell her I was on my way. I had to convince her all was ok. Epic fail, but I tried. On the way home, the neurologist that my doctor consulted, called me. Come in now? Ok. This can't be good. Saw her and she confirmed I needed a lumbar puncture. I had a week to dread it. I let a headache keep me from church.
When you don't feel good for an extended period of time, the devil starts working overtime. I felt bad, I felt useless. I felt like all I did was cause friends and family members unnecessary worry. I couldn't even do my normal everyday tasks. I couldn't even stand myself. I was short tempered and felt as if no one understood me. I had had a breast cancer scare and a liver cancer scare in just the last 6 months. Now something in my brain? This is where God stepped in.
I had a meltdown and hit my knees. He was there. I felt Him saying, "Oh ye of little faith! Haven't I proven myself enough with you lately?! Have faith. I've got this, too." God opened my eyes to my horrible self pity. It's a headache. Nothing more. I let a headache keep me from church.
In the meantime, some very dear friends have had scares of their own, all much worse than mine. I cried and prayed for these sweet ladies. While I was having my awful lumbar puncture, I was praying! I felt God's sweet assurance that He was in control in all these situations. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I would rather have 10 liver biopsies that ever go through that again. Apparently the spinal fluid stopped flowing and he had to dig around a bit.
After the procedure, I had to lay flat for 2 hours. 2 hours staring at the ceiling. 2 hours of praying. I asked God for forgiveness for all the worrying. For not trusting Him enough to stay in good spirits and lift other people up. For wallowing in a little self pity when there were so many people suffering so much worse. God is amazing, people! He took away all my guilt, calmed my fears, and revealed His awesome miracles in the lives of some amazing women.
I did NOT let a headache keep me from church today. My headache and backache from the spinal were pretty bad today, but I thought of all the people across this world that wait for hours with no food, no electricity, no running water, and with fear of persecution, just to hear the word of God. I think of the woman I saw at church that was battling cancer that had to have help just to walk. She didn't let anything keep her from worshipping God! Why should we?
I should find out the results of my spinal tap today. Whatever it is, I know God has it under control. This is His plan for me and I will accept this journey with gladness.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:8-11.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24.
This is also the day I went to church. I know, good for me, right? Well, I am ashamed to say I haven't been to church in 5 weeks. I let a headache keep me from worshipping in the house of the Lord.
Five weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I woke up with a headache and stiff neck. I thought I had slept on it wrong, but the pain and stiffness continued to get worse. Of course, with my luck, I was thinking, grreeeeeat, I have meningitis!? Went to the doctor, and he did bloodwork to rule that out, thank goodness. Well, the stiff neck slowly got better over the next week, but the headaches continued. I tried massage, chiropractor, and anything else I could think of. The headaches were pretty bad, and would not ease up.I even slept in the recliner a few nights because it hurt worse to lay down. I let a headache keep me from church.
My doctor ordered an MRI of the neck and head to see if he could find a cause for the headache. I was expecting something might show up on the neck images. Maybe a pinched nerve or something causing headaches and the pain going down my arm and my leg giving out on me. Well, the neck was fine, but there "seems to be something in the brain." Uh, come again? "Well, it could be a number of things, but don't worry, I just want to get a few more images to get a better look."
I let a headache keep me from church.
That was on a Friday, and another MRI was set up for Monday. I went in to see my doctor on Tuesday expecting him to say after looking further, it was nothing. Wait, this is me. Nothing? Yeah, right. Apparently the radiologist was "very concerned" with what he saw. He did tell my doctor that he had never seen anything like it, and he is a neuroradiologist. Not really what you wanna hear. Actually, while the doctor was going through the list of possibilities, I kinda zoned out. I admit, I was freaking out. He said the radiologist compared the MRI to one I had in 2007, and the spot wasn't there then. It was there now. Breathe. Breathe. Lumbar, what? A spinal tap? I tried to convince him I didn't need one. I really didn't like the way it sounded. His response? "If this was my wife or myself with these results, I would get a lumbar puncture as soon as possible." Oh, man! That can't be good.
I let a headache keep me from church.
I walked out of there in a fog. Having something in my breast is one thing, having something in my brain is a whole other level of scary. I had to compose myself. I had to call my mom to tell her I was on my way. I had to convince her all was ok. Epic fail, but I tried. On the way home, the neurologist that my doctor consulted, called me. Come in now? Ok. This can't be good. Saw her and she confirmed I needed a lumbar puncture. I had a week to dread it. I let a headache keep me from church.
When you don't feel good for an extended period of time, the devil starts working overtime. I felt bad, I felt useless. I felt like all I did was cause friends and family members unnecessary worry. I couldn't even do my normal everyday tasks. I couldn't even stand myself. I was short tempered and felt as if no one understood me. I had had a breast cancer scare and a liver cancer scare in just the last 6 months. Now something in my brain? This is where God stepped in.
I had a meltdown and hit my knees. He was there. I felt Him saying, "Oh ye of little faith! Haven't I proven myself enough with you lately?! Have faith. I've got this, too." God opened my eyes to my horrible self pity. It's a headache. Nothing more. I let a headache keep me from church.
In the meantime, some very dear friends have had scares of their own, all much worse than mine. I cried and prayed for these sweet ladies. While I was having my awful lumbar puncture, I was praying! I felt God's sweet assurance that He was in control in all these situations. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I would rather have 10 liver biopsies that ever go through that again. Apparently the spinal fluid stopped flowing and he had to dig around a bit.
After the procedure, I had to lay flat for 2 hours. 2 hours staring at the ceiling. 2 hours of praying. I asked God for forgiveness for all the worrying. For not trusting Him enough to stay in good spirits and lift other people up. For wallowing in a little self pity when there were so many people suffering so much worse. God is amazing, people! He took away all my guilt, calmed my fears, and revealed His awesome miracles in the lives of some amazing women.
I did NOT let a headache keep me from church today. My headache and backache from the spinal were pretty bad today, but I thought of all the people across this world that wait for hours with no food, no electricity, no running water, and with fear of persecution, just to hear the word of God. I think of the woman I saw at church that was battling cancer that had to have help just to walk. She didn't let anything keep her from worshipping God! Why should we?
I should find out the results of my spinal tap today. Whatever it is, I know God has it under control. This is His plan for me and I will accept this journey with gladness.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:8-11.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
of awareness.
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Didn't think I could let that slip my blog, did ya? Of course, I am reminded of my scare only 5 months ago and the reason I started this blog. I found a lump. I never did self breast exams, but for some reason, while standing in the shower one day, I did. But I'm too young for breast cancer, so I waited. The lump got bigger. Finally got it checked out. Long story short. At the age of 32, the oncologist was 90% sure it was cancer. Talk about changing the way you look at your life! Can we say, "reality check?" Scheduled immediate surgery for lumpectomy. To all of the doctors surprise, it was not cancer. It was a juvenile fibroadenoma. I had beat the odds. God had worked an amazing miracle and spared me from cancer. I have a large, red scar on my right breast to remind me everyday of this miracle. I go for my check up next month, but know I'm in the clear. Why? Because I am now religious about doing my self breast exams!!!
Now, with all that said. If you are reading this, have you done a self breast exam lately? I don't care if you are 20 or 90 years old. Breast cancer is found in younger and younger women now. Age means nothing to cancer. Please, it only takes a few short minutes. If your are male, please, please, encourage every woman you care about to do a breast self exam. It could very well save their lives!
This experience has changed my life. It has also changed the way I look at friends. When I see those pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbons, I am reminded of my dear sweet friends that wore pink for me on the day of my surgery. I think of all the thoughtful scriptures, prayers and messages send to me on the day of my surgery, especially that beautiful scripture I read while they were putting in my IV! I was amazed at the sweet support I received even from total strangers.
I'm sure you have heard the saying that you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I used to wish I had more of those elusive lifetime friends. I have a totally different take on that now. I truly think God sends angels in the form of friends and acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers, to pick us up and give us encouragement when we need it the most. I had people who were just friends of friends or facebook friends that supported me in their sweet thoughts and words. I cried when I saw that people were wearing pink for me! I had a sweet fried I hadn't seen in a while drop by unexpectedly to bring a wonderful meal to my family while I was recovering, and I read and re-read all the sweet thoughts on this blog. On the flip side, I also had friends I considered close that never called, but life is busy and that is life, so I understand. Does this mean I won't be there for them because they weren't there for me? Absolutely not! Life has no room for selfishness. How many times have I dissappointed God? Has He turned His back on me? Absolutely not! He is my #1 lifetime friend, and as long as I have Him, I am blessed beyond measure!
So, I no longer classify my friends. I consider them all angels who have helped me in so many ways during this past crazy year and a half, and even before then. I also feel that even if I don't talk to someone on a regular basis, it's okay to be there when they need it. I hope to also be that person of encouragement whenever needed by any of my "angels" or even just perfect strangers.
I saw a lady in Brookshires a few weeks ago. She was on her phone and was visibly upset. She hung up her phone and stood there trying to compose herself. This image is burned in my mind. Why? Because I felt God pulling me to offer words of encouragement or pray with her, but I didn't. I didn't offer my support when someone needed it the most. I feel just awful and think of this every day. I can assure you, that if I ever see this again, I will listen to God and have no regrets. I hope you do this as well. It doesn't matter how well you do or do not know someone, sometimes we all need a little encouragement. So, slow down a bit and listen to that quiet voice of God. He will lead you to where and who needs it the most. Trust Him.
On another note, in case you were wondering, I have upped my dosages of immunosuppressants and am still having hives (although now as bad) and now, just to spice things up a bit, have had new symptoms. I have had random joint pain and swelling and some other symptoms that are leading my doctors to now think we are dealing with Lupus. However, we are not officially diagnosing anything yet. I have a young, eager rheumatologist, whom I love, that has scoured his medical books and thinks he is on to something in this rare genetic disease. So, I go for more genetic testing to see if his hunch is right. If so, this will completely change my course of treatment. So, the drama continues...
I also would like to thank my sweet "angels" who have gotten wreaths or tutus from me. You have no idea how much this has meant to my family. With the medical bills rolling in, everything helps more than you know.
So, this is the day, I am beyond thankful for God's tender mercy and his miraculous miracles He has worked on me and my family. This is the day I will continue my life and try to help as many people as God allows. This is the day I will not let this disease rule my life. This is the day I will live my life to please God. This is also the day I will strongly encourage you to do a self breast exam! This is the day I am so thankful for all my friends and angels!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Didn't think I could let that slip my blog, did ya? Of course, I am reminded of my scare only 5 months ago and the reason I started this blog. I found a lump. I never did self breast exams, but for some reason, while standing in the shower one day, I did. But I'm too young for breast cancer, so I waited. The lump got bigger. Finally got it checked out. Long story short. At the age of 32, the oncologist was 90% sure it was cancer. Talk about changing the way you look at your life! Can we say, "reality check?" Scheduled immediate surgery for lumpectomy. To all of the doctors surprise, it was not cancer. It was a juvenile fibroadenoma. I had beat the odds. God had worked an amazing miracle and spared me from cancer. I have a large, red scar on my right breast to remind me everyday of this miracle. I go for my check up next month, but know I'm in the clear. Why? Because I am now religious about doing my self breast exams!!!
Now, with all that said. If you are reading this, have you done a self breast exam lately? I don't care if you are 20 or 90 years old. Breast cancer is found in younger and younger women now. Age means nothing to cancer. Please, it only takes a few short minutes. If your are male, please, please, encourage every woman you care about to do a breast self exam. It could very well save their lives!
This experience has changed my life. It has also changed the way I look at friends. When I see those pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbons, I am reminded of my dear sweet friends that wore pink for me on the day of my surgery. I think of all the thoughtful scriptures, prayers and messages send to me on the day of my surgery, especially that beautiful scripture I read while they were putting in my IV! I was amazed at the sweet support I received even from total strangers.
I'm sure you have heard the saying that you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I used to wish I had more of those elusive lifetime friends. I have a totally different take on that now. I truly think God sends angels in the form of friends and acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers, to pick us up and give us encouragement when we need it the most. I had people who were just friends of friends or facebook friends that supported me in their sweet thoughts and words. I cried when I saw that people were wearing pink for me! I had a sweet fried I hadn't seen in a while drop by unexpectedly to bring a wonderful meal to my family while I was recovering, and I read and re-read all the sweet thoughts on this blog. On the flip side, I also had friends I considered close that never called, but life is busy and that is life, so I understand. Does this mean I won't be there for them because they weren't there for me? Absolutely not! Life has no room for selfishness. How many times have I dissappointed God? Has He turned His back on me? Absolutely not! He is my #1 lifetime friend, and as long as I have Him, I am blessed beyond measure!
So, I no longer classify my friends. I consider them all angels who have helped me in so many ways during this past crazy year and a half, and even before then. I also feel that even if I don't talk to someone on a regular basis, it's okay to be there when they need it. I hope to also be that person of encouragement whenever needed by any of my "angels" or even just perfect strangers.
I saw a lady in Brookshires a few weeks ago. She was on her phone and was visibly upset. She hung up her phone and stood there trying to compose herself. This image is burned in my mind. Why? Because I felt God pulling me to offer words of encouragement or pray with her, but I didn't. I didn't offer my support when someone needed it the most. I feel just awful and think of this every day. I can assure you, that if I ever see this again, I will listen to God and have no regrets. I hope you do this as well. It doesn't matter how well you do or do not know someone, sometimes we all need a little encouragement. So, slow down a bit and listen to that quiet voice of God. He will lead you to where and who needs it the most. Trust Him.
On another note, in case you were wondering, I have upped my dosages of immunosuppressants and am still having hives (although now as bad) and now, just to spice things up a bit, have had new symptoms. I have had random joint pain and swelling and some other symptoms that are leading my doctors to now think we are dealing with Lupus. However, we are not officially diagnosing anything yet. I have a young, eager rheumatologist, whom I love, that has scoured his medical books and thinks he is on to something in this rare genetic disease. So, I go for more genetic testing to see if his hunch is right. If so, this will completely change my course of treatment. So, the drama continues...
I also would like to thank my sweet "angels" who have gotten wreaths or tutus from me. You have no idea how much this has meant to my family. With the medical bills rolling in, everything helps more than you know.
So, this is the day, I am beyond thankful for God's tender mercy and his miraculous miracles He has worked on me and my family. This is the day I will continue my life and try to help as many people as God allows. This is the day I will not let this disease rule my life. This is the day I will live my life to please God. This is also the day I will strongly encourage you to do a self breast exam! This is the day I am so thankful for all my friends and angels!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
that I began treatment...
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I began my treatment plan. I finally heard from my Mayo doctor as to the exact treatment plan he wanted me on. This phone call was not the best, but not the worst, either. Just not quite what I expected.
When I spoke to dermatology docs, they told me about a drug they would probably try me on that isn't that much of an immunosuppressent, not enough to alter my life. Well, the rheumatologist, who is my primary care, informed me that I couldn't take that drug because I was allergic to sulpha drugs. Instead he wanted me on a slightly stronger treatment plan. Ok, stronger drug = quicker recovery = back to my old self in no time, right? Wrong. He wants me to stay on the steroids (boo!), and add two immunosuppressents to it, one of which was originally designed to keep heart transplant patients from rejecting their new heart. The other med I apparently have to get an eye exam before I start it and while I'm on it because it can cause blind spots. So, goodbye non-altered lifestyle, hello, frequent labs to check white count and staying away from large crowds and anyone who could potentially be sick.
As if that isn't enough, it looks as if this treatment plan will take an additional 1 - 1 1/2 years before I can finally wean off all these additional meds. He also continued to stress the importance of knowing that I had a disease and I was "in it for the long haul." This was not exactly what I expected to hear. It took me 2 days before I could talk about it to anyone without showing the strong emotions behind the "everything is gonna be okay" smile. I also didn't want to update the blog when I felt more negative emotions than positive.
So I put it in perspective. What is a year and a half in the big scheme of things? I think of how God patiently waits for each and every one of us. What if He gave up on us after a year and a half. Our God is such a patient God. I have prayed many, many time for patience, and I think I am learning my lesson. We live in a time of instant gratification. As if making mac n cheese out of a box wasn't easy enough, now we have easy mac that's already in a cup. Just add water. As if scrambling an egg wasn't easy enough, now they have frozen scrambled eggs. Just heat in microwave. No one has time for anything anymore.
Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down a little and listen to what God is trying to tell us, our priorities will fall in place and the world won't seem so rushed. When was the last time you slowed down, hit your knees, and really listened to God? Sometimes we have our lives so planned, where every minute is scheduled for something, we barely have time to sleep. Do we have time for God? Is God in our schedule?
When your health is failing, you realize real quick who holds tomorrow, and it's not your boss at work. God can take away all that He has graciously given you in an instant. Are you making the most of each day, taking time to enjoy your family and thank God for all He has provided you? Are you taking time for Him each day to allow Him to guide your steps?
Myself and my family was definitely led to First Baptist Haughton, and have been blessed with a wonderful church family and many opportunities to grow with God. I truly felt as if I was being led to mission work and was ready to join the choir and help out in any way I could at the church. Then I got the phone call last week about not being around large crowds. Well, there goes those plans. Apparently they were more my plans than God's. I am truly confused now. I just have to continue to have faith that He will lead me to where He needs me to be. I have to admit, this is hard. I feel somewhat defeated. And if today is any indication as to how these meds make me feel, it is definitely going to be a hard year. I feel as if I am not the best mother and wife I can be when these meds make me feel like I've been hit by a truck, and this is only the 3rd dose.
This is where God comes in. I know from experience and I know this will be no different. He hasn't failed me yet, so...
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I began my treatment plan. I finally heard from my Mayo doctor as to the exact treatment plan he wanted me on. This phone call was not the best, but not the worst, either. Just not quite what I expected.
When I spoke to dermatology docs, they told me about a drug they would probably try me on that isn't that much of an immunosuppressent, not enough to alter my life. Well, the rheumatologist, who is my primary care, informed me that I couldn't take that drug because I was allergic to sulpha drugs. Instead he wanted me on a slightly stronger treatment plan. Ok, stronger drug = quicker recovery = back to my old self in no time, right? Wrong. He wants me to stay on the steroids (boo!), and add two immunosuppressents to it, one of which was originally designed to keep heart transplant patients from rejecting their new heart. The other med I apparently have to get an eye exam before I start it and while I'm on it because it can cause blind spots. So, goodbye non-altered lifestyle, hello, frequent labs to check white count and staying away from large crowds and anyone who could potentially be sick.
As if that isn't enough, it looks as if this treatment plan will take an additional 1 - 1 1/2 years before I can finally wean off all these additional meds. He also continued to stress the importance of knowing that I had a disease and I was "in it for the long haul." This was not exactly what I expected to hear. It took me 2 days before I could talk about it to anyone without showing the strong emotions behind the "everything is gonna be okay" smile. I also didn't want to update the blog when I felt more negative emotions than positive.
So I put it in perspective. What is a year and a half in the big scheme of things? I think of how God patiently waits for each and every one of us. What if He gave up on us after a year and a half. Our God is such a patient God. I have prayed many, many time for patience, and I think I am learning my lesson. We live in a time of instant gratification. As if making mac n cheese out of a box wasn't easy enough, now we have easy mac that's already in a cup. Just add water. As if scrambling an egg wasn't easy enough, now they have frozen scrambled eggs. Just heat in microwave. No one has time for anything anymore.
Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down a little and listen to what God is trying to tell us, our priorities will fall in place and the world won't seem so rushed. When was the last time you slowed down, hit your knees, and really listened to God? Sometimes we have our lives so planned, where every minute is scheduled for something, we barely have time to sleep. Do we have time for God? Is God in our schedule?
When your health is failing, you realize real quick who holds tomorrow, and it's not your boss at work. God can take away all that He has graciously given you in an instant. Are you making the most of each day, taking time to enjoy your family and thank God for all He has provided you? Are you taking time for Him each day to allow Him to guide your steps?
Myself and my family was definitely led to First Baptist Haughton, and have been blessed with a wonderful church family and many opportunities to grow with God. I truly felt as if I was being led to mission work and was ready to join the choir and help out in any way I could at the church. Then I got the phone call last week about not being around large crowds. Well, there goes those plans. Apparently they were more my plans than God's. I am truly confused now. I just have to continue to have faith that He will lead me to where He needs me to be. I have to admit, this is hard. I feel somewhat defeated. And if today is any indication as to how these meds make me feel, it is definitely going to be a hard year. I feel as if I am not the best mother and wife I can be when these meds make me feel like I've been hit by a truck, and this is only the 3rd dose.
This is where God comes in. I know from experience and I know this will be no different. He hasn't failed me yet, so...
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
...that I have an official diagnosis!
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I finally heard from The Mayo Clinic. All test results are in. This is the day I finally have an official diagnosis. Drumroll, please...
Urticarial Vasculitis in addition to Chronic Autoimmune Urticaria
My reaction? Well, I really don't care what they call it. All I care is if they can fix it! After more bloodwork, they will be starting me on a new immunosuppressant drug and slowly weaning off the steroids. Yay for no more steroids! Now I'm just hoping the new meds don't have more side effects than steroids. Well, the good Lord has led me this far, and I know He's not letting go now!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jeses, after you have suffered a while, perfece, establish, strengthen and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
Sometimes, waiting faithfully for God's plan to unfold is more important than understanding God's plan.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I finally heard from The Mayo Clinic. All test results are in. This is the day I finally have an official diagnosis. Drumroll, please...
Urticarial Vasculitis in addition to Chronic Autoimmune Urticaria
My reaction? Well, I really don't care what they call it. All I care is if they can fix it! After more bloodwork, they will be starting me on a new immunosuppressant drug and slowly weaning off the steroids. Yay for no more steroids! Now I'm just hoping the new meds don't have more side effects than steroids. Well, the good Lord has led me this far, and I know He's not letting go now!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jeses, after you have suffered a while, perfece, establish, strengthen and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
Sometimes, waiting faithfully for God's plan to unfold is more important than understanding God's plan.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
that I found many blessings in disguise, have you?
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I did not hear from The Mayo Clinic. I was supposed to hear something by last Friday, but I heard nothing. The Mayo did call yesterday, however, just to let me know they are still waiting on some test results and would call me as soon as they had answers.
This is the day I have patience. This is the day I know God is leading the doctors to answers and I will have them soon enough. The end of the tunnel is up ahead and I'm headed straight for it.
As I wait patiently for the answers from the doctors, I think back on the journey through the tunnel. A dark miserable tunnel that has produced so many blessings. Blessings? What? Yes, that's what I said. I have had awful hives, life altering hives, life altering medication and two cancer scares in a year. Yes, I said blessings.
Ode To Hives
They came without warning
They left bruises, were itchy and red
They made me absolutely miserable
Covering me from my toes to my head.
But what they didn't count on
Is that in the midst of my misery
That God would reach down
And pour out so many blessings on me!
For while I cried out for healing
God was moving in my life
He was changing me from the inside
All the while knowing my pain, my hurt, my strife.
The doctors threw up their hands
"There's nothing more we can do"
But God was leading me
He was not through.
God opened my eyes to so many things
He blessed me greatly, and my family, too
For I am completely changed within
I am a child of God, through and through!
And if all this came about
Through a mystery that kept the doctors guessing,
I will look at this chapter in my life
As not a curse, but His great blessing!
So, when life has you down. When you pray, but don't seem to see your prayers answered. When you feel like you are drowning in everything this life has thrown at you. When you throw up your hands and say, "What next?" or "Well, it can't get any worse." When you just don't want to face another day, just think of the blessings in your life. God is there, I assure you.
I heard a song that touched me greatly and hope to sing it one day. Here are a few words from the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
So look back on your life. The good times and bad. What miracles did God work for you? What prayers did He answer for you? Do you remember them? All the time? Oh, how easy it is to forget all the miraculous things God did for us! All I have to do is look at my scars. I have accumulated quite a few over the past year. They are beautiful to me! They remind me of the amazing miracles God gave me! Never forget what God has done! He loves you and He shows you all the time! Are you seeing it? Do you have the faith that opens your eyes and heart to these miracles?
While I think about my miracles, I am humbled. He did all this for me? What can I do to repay Him? This is yet to be determined. Going to church and studying God's word is helping me to be open to His plan for me. If you don't have a church home, please, please find one. This has really been on my heart. What are we doing to serve Him and thank Him for all He has done? Also, is the God we worship and thank on Sunday, the same God we are TGIF'ing on Friday? "Let Others See Jesus In You," was my grandfather's favorite hymn. I have found myself singing this to myself quite a lot lately. Do others see Jesus in you? Are we as quick to share our blessings and miracles as we are to complain?
Don't miss out on a wonderful opportunity to serve the God that has so richly blessed you! I can never return the favor, but I can sure try.
Over the past year, my friends have often said, "I know when I talk to Krissy, there is always something new." Well, boy are they right. Except now, that something new isn't a new ailment, it's my soul.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I did not hear from The Mayo Clinic. I was supposed to hear something by last Friday, but I heard nothing. The Mayo did call yesterday, however, just to let me know they are still waiting on some test results and would call me as soon as they had answers.
This is the day I have patience. This is the day I know God is leading the doctors to answers and I will have them soon enough. The end of the tunnel is up ahead and I'm headed straight for it.
As I wait patiently for the answers from the doctors, I think back on the journey through the tunnel. A dark miserable tunnel that has produced so many blessings. Blessings? What? Yes, that's what I said. I have had awful hives, life altering hives, life altering medication and two cancer scares in a year. Yes, I said blessings.
Ode To Hives
They came without warning
They left bruises, were itchy and red
They made me absolutely miserable
Covering me from my toes to my head.
But what they didn't count on
Is that in the midst of my misery
That God would reach down
And pour out so many blessings on me!
For while I cried out for healing
God was moving in my life
He was changing me from the inside
All the while knowing my pain, my hurt, my strife.
The doctors threw up their hands
"There's nothing more we can do"
But God was leading me
He was not through.
God opened my eyes to so many things
He blessed me greatly, and my family, too
For I am completely changed within
I am a child of God, through and through!
And if all this came about
Through a mystery that kept the doctors guessing,
I will look at this chapter in my life
As not a curse, but His great blessing!
So, when life has you down. When you pray, but don't seem to see your prayers answered. When you feel like you are drowning in everything this life has thrown at you. When you throw up your hands and say, "What next?" or "Well, it can't get any worse." When you just don't want to face another day, just think of the blessings in your life. God is there, I assure you.
I heard a song that touched me greatly and hope to sing it one day. Here are a few words from the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
So look back on your life. The good times and bad. What miracles did God work for you? What prayers did He answer for you? Do you remember them? All the time? Oh, how easy it is to forget all the miraculous things God did for us! All I have to do is look at my scars. I have accumulated quite a few over the past year. They are beautiful to me! They remind me of the amazing miracles God gave me! Never forget what God has done! He loves you and He shows you all the time! Are you seeing it? Do you have the faith that opens your eyes and heart to these miracles?
While I think about my miracles, I am humbled. He did all this for me? What can I do to repay Him? This is yet to be determined. Going to church and studying God's word is helping me to be open to His plan for me. If you don't have a church home, please, please find one. This has really been on my heart. What are we doing to serve Him and thank Him for all He has done? Also, is the God we worship and thank on Sunday, the same God we are TGIF'ing on Friday? "Let Others See Jesus In You," was my grandfather's favorite hymn. I have found myself singing this to myself quite a lot lately. Do others see Jesus in you? Are we as quick to share our blessings and miracles as we are to complain?
Don't miss out on a wonderful opportunity to serve the God that has so richly blessed you! I can never return the favor, but I can sure try.
Over the past year, my friends have often said, "I know when I talk to Krissy, there is always something new." Well, boy are they right. Except now, that something new isn't a new ailment, it's my soul.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)