...that I let a headache keep me from church.

"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day I went to church. I know, good for me, right? Well, I am ashamed to say I haven't been to church in 5 weeks. I let a headache keep me from worshipping in the house of the Lord.

Five weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I woke up with a headache and stiff neck. I thought I had slept on it wrong, but the pain and stiffness continued to get worse. Of course, with my luck, I was thinking, grreeeeeat, I have meningitis!? Went to the doctor, and he did bloodwork to rule that out, thank goodness. Well, the stiff neck slowly got better over the next week, but the headaches continued. I tried massage, chiropractor, and anything else I could think of. The headaches were pretty bad, and would not ease up.I even slept in the recliner a few nights because it hurt worse to lay down. I let a headache keep me from church.

My doctor ordered an MRI of the neck and head to see if he could find a cause for the headache. I was expecting something might show up on the neck images. Maybe a pinched nerve or something causing headaches and the pain going down my arm and my leg giving out on me. Well, the neck was fine, but there "seems to be something in the brain." Uh, come again? "Well, it could be a number of things, but don't worry, I just want to get a few more images to get a better look."
I let a headache keep me from church.

That was on a Friday, and another MRI was set up for Monday. I went in to see my doctor on Tuesday expecting him to say after looking further, it was nothing. Wait, this is me. Nothing? Yeah, right. Apparently the radiologist was "very concerned" with what he saw. He did tell my doctor that he had never seen anything like it, and he is a neuroradiologist. Not really what you wanna hear. Actually, while the doctor was going through the list of possibilities, I kinda zoned out. I admit, I was freaking out. He said the radiologist compared the MRI to one I had in 2007, and the spot wasn't there then. It was there now. Breathe. Breathe. Lumbar, what? A spinal tap? I tried to convince him I didn't need one. I really didn't like the way it sounded. His response? "If this was my wife or myself with these results, I would get a lumbar puncture as soon as possible." Oh, man! That can't be good.
I let a headache keep me from church.

I walked out of there in a fog. Having something in my breast is one thing, having something in my brain is a whole other level of scary. I had to compose myself. I had to call my mom to tell her I was on my way. I had to convince her all was ok. Epic fail, but I tried. On the way home, the neurologist that my doctor consulted, called me. Come in now? Ok. This can't be good. Saw her and she confirmed I needed a lumbar puncture. I had a week to dread it. I let a headache keep me from church.

When you don't feel good for an extended period of time, the devil starts working overtime. I felt bad, I felt useless. I felt like all I did was cause friends and family members unnecessary worry. I couldn't even do my normal everyday tasks. I couldn't even stand myself. I was short tempered and felt as if no one understood me. I had had a breast cancer scare and a liver cancer scare in just the last 6 months. Now something in my brain? This is where God stepped in.

I had a meltdown and hit my knees. He was there. I felt Him saying, "Oh ye of little faith! Haven't I proven myself enough with you lately?! Have faith. I've got this, too." God opened my eyes to my horrible self pity. It's a headache. Nothing more. I let a headache keep me from church.

In the meantime, some very dear friends have had scares of their own, all much worse than mine. I cried and prayed for these sweet ladies. While I was having my awful lumbar puncture, I was praying! I felt God's sweet assurance that He was in control in all these situations. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I would rather have 10 liver biopsies that ever go through that again. Apparently the spinal fluid stopped flowing and he had to dig around a bit.

After the procedure, I had to lay flat for 2 hours. 2 hours staring at the ceiling. 2 hours of praying. I asked God for forgiveness for all the worrying. For not trusting Him enough to stay in good spirits and lift other people up. For wallowing in a little self pity when there were so many people suffering so much worse. God is amazing, people! He took away all my guilt, calmed my fears, and revealed His awesome miracles in the lives of some amazing women.

I did NOT let a headache keep me from church today. My headache and backache from the spinal were pretty bad today, but I thought of all the people across this world that wait for hours with no food, no electricity, no running water, and with fear of persecution, just to hear the word of God. I think of the woman I saw at church that was battling cancer that had to have help just to walk. She didn't let anything keep her from worshipping God! Why should we?

I should find out the results of my spinal tap today. Whatever it is, I know God has it under control. This is His plan for me and I will accept this journey with gladness.

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:8-11.

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24.