it's been one year...

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day that it has been one year and one week since the hives began. I am glad to report that right now, they are not life-altering. That means I can wear clothes without them driving me insane and the hives aren't leaving bruises. I still have hives every morning, but usually by noon or 2 p.m., they have faded. Someone who recently had a round with hives, told me they couldn't imagine having them for an entire year and didn't know how I did it. Well, it's amazing what you can do and handle with God right by your side. Lots of prayer. That's how I can do it.

Someone else made the comment that they were glad that God finally blessed me and eased the hives. My response was that even when the hives were awful, God was continually blessing me. This past year has been trying, I admit, but it has been a wonderful year. Myself and my family have been blessed beyond measure this year and I have seen God's hand at work more than ever before. My husband found God and was baptized! That alone made this a great year!

I feel closer to God than ever before. I feel it was through the hives that God taught me so many things. Patience has been one of those things. My wise mother always told me to be careful when I prayed for patience. For it is only through trying times that we learn patience. Well, boy was she right. When the hives would cover my body and itch, sting and leave bruises; when the steroids made me gain so much weight and made me unrecognizable; when I thought the hives would never stop; well, that's when God would step in. He would calm me. I would lean on Him. He would comfort me like never before. I knew it would be alright. Sometimes, when life breaks us down and brings us to our knees, we are in the perfect position to pray!

Compassion is something else I have learned. Compassion for other people. When you see someone that is large, when you are behind someone that is slow, when someone snaps at you or is rude, don't be quick to judge. You never know what that person is going through. That person could have an uncontrollable medical condition, or could have just received bad news. Have compassion for those around you. Pray for those who anger you, for you never know what demons they are dealing with. Most of all, don't judge. When the doctor said there was a 90% chance I had cancer, the world didn't stop like I thought it should. There is no telling what the people in the mall thought, when I took Molly there the day before my surgery. It was obvious I was spoiling her rotten and letting her get away with more than usual. What they didn't know is that I thought I had cancer and was scared to death that I wouldn't get to see her grow up.

Priorities. My priorities got put in order! I realized real quick that life can be taken away real quick. Will it matter what my profession or professional title was here on earth? Will it matter how much money I made? Will it matter how big my house was or how expensive my possessions were? No, No, No, No and No!!! So, if I put all my time, effort, and money in being "successful" what does that mean? What society sees as success is most definitely NOT what matters. What matters is, am I putting more effort into building my heavenly possessions as I am my earthly ones? What about you? Are you working nonstop just to make more and more money to pay for more and more possessions that you think you HAVE to have? Now, everyone has to work to provide for their family, I completely understand that and a hard worker is definitely to be commended, but has it taken over your life? Is your job your life? Or, better yet, in this day and age, did you throw anyone under the bus to get the position you hold now? I just hope and pray everyone is putting as much time and effort into building the heavenly kingdom as we are our earthly one.

Vanity. Now this one I am still working on. This one is hard and is a daily struggle with me. I have gained so much weight from being on steroids for an entire year, that I am unrecognizable. This is hard to swallow, but man do I see things differently from this perspective. Call it being paranoid, but I honestly feel as if I have been treated differently being the size I am. Well, I have treated myself differently, so what do I expect of others? I'm working on that, too. I had someone whom I spent time with because of an event. This person had all the trendy clothes, trendy cute hair, expensive trendy purse, and tiny, tan body. I made every effort to connect with this person since we had to spend a week working together, to no avail. I didn't look like her, dress like her or have the stuff she had. I was constantly asking questions about herself and her family, with not one question from her about myself or mine. Now, this could just have been a lack of southern manners, but either way, when someone is making an effort to get to know you, be friendly. It is what is on the inside that counts. True beauty comes from within. God makes us beautiful, not what we wear or how we appear on the outside. I tell myself this every day, and while my outward appearance has changed drastically, so has my inside appearance. God is in the process of an extreme makeover in me, and it's going to be awesome!

Self-worth. God is in the process of teaching me this one. I have been struggling with my self-worth. I am just a stay-at-home mom, I'm sick all the time, and I've gained weight. This will definitely take a toll on your self-worth. I sometimes feel as if the world is passing me by and I'm watching it from my living room window. I had an evening out with a few friends and I struggled with feeling like an outsider. I didn't know the newest and greatest music, I didn't know the latest news around town or happenings in the professional world, I wasn't wearing the trendiest clothes or shoes, and the only conversations I really chimed in on were about kids. Uh, hello, self-worth, are you in there? Also (and I can say this because my hubby doesn't read my blogs) when CJ had his surgery, I was able to see some of the people my husband works with on a daily basis. The people he spends as much of, and sometimes more of, his time with than me. Uh, can we say insecure?! However, I know he loves me, our family, and this life God and so generously blessed us with. God is working every day to increase my self-worth. I pray every day that I will be open to this blessing.

Since a lot of my self-worth is unfortunately tied to my weight, I am praying every day, sometimes many, many times a day, for self-control. I know my God is bigger than steroids. I am proud to say that, with God's help, I have lost 6.5 lbs in 2 weeks!  I have a weight loss chart on my refrigerator with these scriptures:

"For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:6-8. 

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your home fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:13.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So, I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.

and of course....

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13.

So, this is the day it's been over a year since I have had hives, but this is also the day I realize just how much I have been blessed during this year. God is truly amazing and I see his miracles every day. In two weeks, I will leave to go to the Mayo clinic. I know God will continue to work miracles through the doctors there. I just know the hives are on their way out the door. I pray for each and every one of you and pray that you, too, will, see the miracles God is performing in your life.

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

that my liver doctor called me at home. On a holiday....

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the USA's 235th birthday. This is also the day my liver doctor called me at home on the 4th of July.

I had my ultrasound guided liver biopsy Thursday. They sedated me, like they do with a colonoscopy, so I don't really remember much of the procedure. I remember them injecting the lidocaine and then when they made the first pass through the mass in my liver with the cutting needle. Sounded like a loud pop gun going off. In my stomach. Pretty weird. Then I remember waking up. Glad I don't remember the other two passes they made through the mass. Was feeling pretty good, until I went to get out of the car at mom and dad's house. Pain so sharp I couldn't breathe. I just knew I was gonna be sick, but I couldn't move. Made it to a chair. Hurt to breathe. Hurt to speak. Right shoulder pain. Yep, if I would've read the discharge instructions, those were all the signs to go to the emergency room. Took a pain pill.

Friday was better, as long as I didn't do much. Saturday morning was okay, too. Then I picked up my 27 lb baby, which, by the way, they told me I could do the day after surgery. Wrong! Saturday evening through Sunday night were miserable. Apparently, after running this by my doctor, I was bleeding from my biopsy site, but it was being contained in the membrane surrounding the liver, causing the pain. This only happens in about 10% of liver biopsy patients. Myself and my mom (two years earlier) were the lucky 10%. Apparently after it bleeds, the blood kind of congeals, and the body eventually reabsorbs it. So, I will have some pain for probably a few weeks or even months. How did I get so lucky. I can't complain, though. My mom bled and had a hematoma on her liver the size of a grapefruit that still causes her some pain sometimes, and that was two years ago.

Today was a little better, though. I slept in my bed all night, and I have made it without pain pills today. I only get nauseous when I lay down. I even went outside and watched my babies playing in the sprinkler and pool and eating watermelon. I had to watch all of this out of a window yesterday. Not today. Today I was determined to be a part of it. Today I got splashed with water, bit by an ant, and loved every minute of it.

Today I got a call from my doctor. On a holiday. On his day off. From his cellphone. I was kind of freaking out a little. Until he said, "Well, I have your biopsy results here and I was just going to call you and let you know it is a benign focal nodular hyperplasia." Benign. I never get tired of hearing that word. Praise God! Again! and Again! and Again!!! He never ceases to amaze and bless me! Oh, wait, it gets better.... he said, "and actually, since a FNH rarely turns into cancer, I don't think we are going to do surgery. I just want to monitor it about every 6 months or so!" No surgery!!! Praise God!!! My response, "Wonderful, because after this, it would have had to be really bad for me to let anyone touch my liver again!" Woo Hoo! Hands off, surgeons! No one is touching my liver! I would do a happy dance, but it would hurt. My insides are doing a happy dance! It made my liver quiver! lol!

So, cancer scares....check! Cancer free....check! Next! Look out hives, you are next. Hives are going down! Headed to Mayo in a month and we are going to figure out the cause of the hives. I am going to get off steroids. My life will go back to boring and normal. I will exercise. I will lose this weight. I will play with my kids. I will praise God every day for the miracles he has given me and will continue to bless me with. We serve an amazing God, people. If he can do this for little ol me, imagine what he can do for you! Trust Him today! Reminds me of a little song I know...

Oh! How He loves you and me!
Oh! How He love you and me!
He gave His life, what more could He give?!
Oh! how He loves you!
Oh! How He loves me!
Oh! How He loves you and me!

I hope everyone had a wonderfully blessed 4th of July like I did!

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24