that I began treatment...

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day that I began my treatment plan. I finally heard from my Mayo doctor as to the exact treatment plan he wanted me on. This phone call was not the best, but not the worst, either. Just not quite what I expected.

When I spoke to dermatology docs, they told me about a drug they would probably try me on that isn't that much of an immunosuppressent, not enough to alter my life. Well, the rheumatologist, who is my primary care, informed me that I couldn't take that drug because I was allergic to sulpha drugs. Instead he wanted me on a slightly stronger treatment plan. Ok, stronger drug = quicker recovery = back to my old self in no time, right? Wrong. He wants me to stay on the steroids (boo!), and add two immunosuppressents to it, one of which was originally designed to keep heart transplant patients from rejecting their new heart. The other med I apparently have to get an eye exam before I start it and while I'm on it because it can cause blind spots. So, goodbye non-altered lifestyle, hello, frequent labs to check white count and staying away from large crowds and anyone who could potentially be sick.

As if that isn't enough, it looks as if this treatment plan will take an additional 1 - 1 1/2 years before I can finally wean off all these additional meds. He also continued to stress the importance of knowing that I had a disease and I was "in it for the long haul." This was not exactly what I expected to hear. It took me 2 days before I could talk about it to anyone without showing the strong emotions behind the "everything is gonna be okay" smile. I also didn't want to update the blog when I felt more negative emotions than positive.

So I put it in perspective. What is a year and a half in the big scheme of things? I think of how God patiently waits for each and every one of us. What if He gave up on us after a year and a half. Our God is such a patient God. I have prayed many, many time for patience, and I think I am learning my lesson. We live in a time of instant gratification. As if making mac n cheese out of a box wasn't easy enough, now we have easy mac that's already in a cup. Just add water. As if scrambling an egg wasn't easy enough, now they have frozen scrambled eggs. Just heat in microwave. No one has time for anything anymore.

Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down a little and listen to what God is trying to tell us, our priorities will fall in place and the world won't seem so rushed. When was the last time you slowed down, hit your knees, and really listened to God? Sometimes we have our lives so planned, where every minute is scheduled for something, we barely have time to sleep. Do we have time for God? Is God in our schedule?

When your health is failing, you realize real quick who holds tomorrow, and it's not your boss at work. God can take away all that He has graciously given you in an instant. Are you making the most of each day, taking time to enjoy your family and thank God for all He has provided you? Are you taking time for Him each day to allow Him to guide your steps?

Myself and my family was definitely led to First Baptist Haughton, and have been blessed with a wonderful church family and many opportunities to grow with God. I truly felt as if I was being led to mission work and was ready to join the choir and help out in any way I could at the church. Then I got the phone call last week about not being around large crowds. Well, there goes those plans. Apparently they were more my plans than God's. I am truly confused now. I just have to continue to have faith that He will lead me to where He needs me to be. I have to admit, this is hard. I feel somewhat defeated. And if today is any indication as to how these meds make me feel, it is definitely going to be a hard year. I feel as if I am not the best mother and wife I can be when these meds make me feel like I've been hit by a truck, and this is only the 3rd dose.

This is where God comes in. I know from experience and I know this will be no different. He hasn't failed me yet, so...

"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24