that I got more results.

"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

This is also the day I got more results. After having a CT scan with contrast last week after finding a solid mass on my liver, today is the day my doctor wanted to discuss the results. Which would have been great had he reviewed the results and been prepared for my visit. He sweeps in with my chart in hand, looking at it as he asks me about my blood pressure (which is still high). I begin to answer and then stop. Wait. I want to know the results of the CT of my liver mass. "Well, let's see what they had to say." Uh, ya think?!?

Today I realize that no one has any clue as to what is going on. Well, God does, but no human. Apparently, after the ultrasound, the radiologist report said benign hemangioma. After the CT scan, the radiologist said it is not a hemangioma, it is benign, but it not sure as to what the mass really is. Report requests a follow-up CT with contrast in 3 months. Well, if it is so benign, why come back in 3 months?!? Isn't that huge amounts of radiation that could cause cancer?!?

Yep, you guessed it. Today is the day I got fed up. That positive upbeat attitude went out the window for a little while. While extremely grateful that I don't have cancer (extremely blessed and relieved), I felt like we had hit a wall. Today my hives are progressively getting worse and, as predicted, are now leaving bruises and lasting longer despite the fact I am still on steroids. So, we think we have ruled out cancer. Awesome! Praise the Lord! So, now what? Well, my doctor seems as if he has officially thrown up his hands and pretty much told me to see more specialists and that he didn't know.

So today I sent in my application for the Mayo Clinic. Apparently they specialize in weird cases involving chronic urticarial vasculitis like mine. They will be contacting me in two business days.

Okay, I take a deep breath. It's all going to be okay. God is putting me through for a reason. It has defintitely brought me closer to the Lord and I have gained some wonderful relationships at First Baptist Haughton in the process. It is just so frustrating to think your doctor is finally understanding that you have had this condition for almost a year and he is on a track to do something about it, just for him to throw up his hands and give up on you. And then, my dermatologist who had been so wonderful, just moved to California. Great. Just a little frustrating. But okay. God will continue to give me strength to see this through. I will not allow myself to get discouraged or depressed. God has it under control and the root of the issue will be brought forth in His time after His purpose for it is served. In the meantime I will pray and scratch and pray.

On the way home from the doctor, on the verge of tears, the song "I Can Only Imagine" comes on the radio. I pull myself out of my pity party and realize the miracles He has worked in me. I don't have breast cancer because of Him. I don't have liver cancer because of Him. I am a walking miracle. I think for a minute if that outcome would have been different. What if I had heard today that I had liver cancer. There is no cure for liver cancer and it has a very high mortality rate. Would I be doing anything in my life different had the news been different. How would I choose to live my last months?

Today I ask you the question, if, at your next doctor's appointment, they tell you you have a terminal cancer, what would you do? After thinking about all you might miss on this earth, would you smile and rejoice at the wonderful thought of spending eternity wrapped in God's arms in an unimaginable, beautiful heaven? Would you run to church as soon as possible to get "right" with God? Would you fear death and eternity? Would you hurt for your loved ones hurting, but have an awesome sense of peace for your soul and where you would spend eternity?

Today, we are all one car wreck, one terminal diagnosis, one accident away from eternity. Or, Jesus could come back tomorrow! Are your affairs in order? Have you put as much time, effort and money into your heavenly mansion as you have put into your house and possessions here on earth? I assure you, we won't take our earthly possessions with us. All of that could be taken away in an instant. Our heavenly mansion, however, will last forever. We are just one prayer away from a beautiful, peaceful, eternal, miraculous relationship with God.

Today, I continue to count my blessings. I do not have cancer. God will handle all else in His own time. I pray for peace and patience in the meantime. What I do have is a closer relationship with Him, and for that I will be forever grateful.

 "This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24