"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I confess. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I am too quick to get angry and say things I should not. Sometimes I fall asleep while I am praying, and I am afraid to witness.
Today I know that God forgives me of all my sins and my slate is wiped clean. Today I pray for a calm emotional state to drive out the anger. Steroids do not help with the anger issue, but my God is bigger than steroids.
What I am most ashamed of is my fear of witnessing. I hide behind this computer. I can pray on what to write in my blog and quote scriptures, but put me in front of an actual person and I freeze. I get nervous and start to sweat. What if they laugh at me? What if they get mad at me? What if they yell at me? See a pattern to these questions? Yep, me me me. It's the vanity thing again. What if I look bad? These thoughts are awful, I know! I feel the devil smiling as I choke. I pray for my vanity and fear to be overcome by words and scripture that can only come from God himself.
This week I am challenging myself to trust God, step out on pure faith, and witness to someone face to face. I would LOVE it if someone out there would be willing to take this challenge with me?! Pray about it and if you accept, comment on this post. We can be each other's support team!
"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples." John 15:5-8
This is also the day I pray for peace. My liver doctor called me personally Friday. It concerns me when the doctor calls me personally. He had the results of my MRI. I could barely hear him over the pounding of my heart. He said the MRI proved that the solid round mass was definitely not a benign hemangioma, but still wasn't clear as to what the mass was. He wants me to have a liver biopsy. He wants to discuss my case with transplant surgeons because they do more liver cases than any other surgeon. I wonder if he is telling me everything. I ask, "so is the mass following any cancer patterns?" he said the mass wasn't following any patterns, which is why we still "haven't ruled out cancer." Have I mentioned how much I hate the "c" word?
So, this is the day God calms my fears. He has performed great miracles in me, and this will be no different. I google it. Yes, I know, but I did it anyway. Apparently, unless you are a heavy drinker or have hepatitis (neither of which apply to me), primary liver cancer is very rare. All will be ok. Not looking forward to a liver biopsy, but God has it under control.
So, this is the day I challenge myself. Who is with me? I am looking forward to seeing some responses!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
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