"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24
This is also the best Mother's Day I've ever had. This is the day i enjoyed every tiny moment with my family. This is the day I finally get to take a shower. This is the day I ripped the bandage off.
Yesterday was a good day. I felt better than I expected to feel. I can move my right arm a lot more than I thought I would. But I'm still in a fog. I'm still saying over and over "I don't have cancer." I still trying to convince myself. I can't sleep. This is especially strange because of the pain meds. When I do dose off, in my dreams I'm telling people I have cancer. In my dreams, the doctors are telling me I have cancer. I wake up sweating. Nope, can't sleep. Well, that and the fact I have a mentally handicapped mocking bird that sat outside my bedroom window and sang to me beginning at 11:30 p.m. and finally ending his concert at 5 a.m. This might make me reconsider my husband's plea to get Molly a BB gun for her birthday. I digress...
Today is a little worse in the pain department, but that's to be expected. Today is supposed to be the worst day, then better every day. Today, it feels like there are bricks sitting on my chest and that my right arm weighs 20 lbs. But, today is Mother's Day. This makes it better! Today, I woke up with hives (esp under the tight support bra) so I had to take steroids with my pain pill so I had to eat breakfast. My sweet husband drove to Waffle House and brought me my Mother's Day breakfast on the couch! So sweet!
Today I sat on the couch and watched my little family through the window. Brian had the kids in the backyard in their pjs working on my present. I almost start to cry as I see how tiny my babies are and how they are working so hard on a present for me. Today I was the receipient of the best Mother's Day present ever. Today I got a handmade stepping stone decorated with a half pink, half red heart with jewels! Today, I let myself cry.
Today, I was determined to go to church to praise God for this miracle He has given me. Today, I'm scared I overdid it yesterday, am hurting, and decide to stay at home while my sweet husband and kids go without me. Today, the preacher shared my miracle with the church that has been praying so hard for me. Today, Molly refused to go to her class. Today, Brian walks in the door from church with this very unpleasant look on his face. Today, my precious babies tried his patience. I laugh. Today, I realize just how much my babies (all 3 of them) need me.
Today, it's been 48 hours since they removed a mass larger than a golf ball from my breast. This is the day I can take a shower. This is the day I take my bandage off. Well, I can't do it. I make Brian do it. The bandage isn't very big, but as he peels it off, I look down at the ugly red line. I'm gonna be sick. The last piece of tape is stuck to the long end of a stitch. Just do it. I got this. Oooowwww. The nausea passes and I stare at it in the mirror. It ain't pretty, but I still have my breast. It's definitely gonna leave a good scar, but that's ok. The events of this week have left their mark on my heart and soul, so it's only fitting to have an external scar. I will heal. The scar will heal. Today, I saw how my body will be changed from all this. Today I realized this external change is matching an internal change. God has a purpose for saving my life.
As happy, excited and relieved as I am to have recieved such a miracle this week, today I can't help but be a little sad. This week, I did not have to hear the words, "you have cancer." But every 3 minutes, someone DID hear those words. Today, a mom is treasuring her Mother's Day because she is battling breast cancer and is scared. Today, a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, neighbor, grandmother is deciding on treatment options to battle their breast cancer so they can see another Mother's Day.
So, there is no better day than today to do your self breast exam! When you wish your family and friends a Happy Mother's Day, tell them to do a self breast exam. Early detection is the key! So come on ladies, together we can kick breast cancer in the backside and help our sisters celebrate more Mother's days.
This is the day I celebrate my best Mother's Day ever.
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