"... that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I went to church. I know, good for me, right? Well, I am ashamed to say I haven't been to church in 5 weeks. I let a headache keep me from worshipping in the house of the Lord.
Five weeks ago, on a Wednesday, I woke up with a headache and stiff neck. I thought I had slept on it wrong, but the pain and stiffness continued to get worse. Of course, with my luck, I was thinking, grreeeeeat, I have meningitis!? Went to the doctor, and he did bloodwork to rule that out, thank goodness. Well, the stiff neck slowly got better over the next week, but the headaches continued. I tried massage, chiropractor, and anything else I could think of. The headaches were pretty bad, and would not ease up.I even slept in the recliner a few nights because it hurt worse to lay down. I let a headache keep me from church.
My doctor ordered an MRI of the neck and head to see if he could find a cause for the headache. I was expecting something might show up on the neck images. Maybe a pinched nerve or something causing headaches and the pain going down my arm and my leg giving out on me. Well, the neck was fine, but there "seems to be something in the brain." Uh, come again? "Well, it could be a number of things, but don't worry, I just want to get a few more images to get a better look."
I let a headache keep me from church.
That was on a Friday, and another MRI was set up for Monday. I went in to see my doctor on Tuesday expecting him to say after looking further, it was nothing. Wait, this is me. Nothing? Yeah, right. Apparently the radiologist was "very concerned" with what he saw. He did tell my doctor that he had never seen anything like it, and he is a neuroradiologist. Not really what you wanna hear. Actually, while the doctor was going through the list of possibilities, I kinda zoned out. I admit, I was freaking out. He said the radiologist compared the MRI to one I had in 2007, and the spot wasn't there then. It was there now. Breathe. Breathe. Lumbar, what? A spinal tap? I tried to convince him I didn't need one. I really didn't like the way it sounded. His response? "If this was my wife or myself with these results, I would get a lumbar puncture as soon as possible." Oh, man! That can't be good.
I let a headache keep me from church.
I walked out of there in a fog. Having something in my breast is one thing, having something in my brain is a whole other level of scary. I had to compose myself. I had to call my mom to tell her I was on my way. I had to convince her all was ok. Epic fail, but I tried. On the way home, the neurologist that my doctor consulted, called me. Come in now? Ok. This can't be good. Saw her and she confirmed I needed a lumbar puncture. I had a week to dread it. I let a headache keep me from church.
When you don't feel good for an extended period of time, the devil starts working overtime. I felt bad, I felt useless. I felt like all I did was cause friends and family members unnecessary worry. I couldn't even do my normal everyday tasks. I couldn't even stand myself. I was short tempered and felt as if no one understood me. I had had a breast cancer scare and a liver cancer scare in just the last 6 months. Now something in my brain? This is where God stepped in.
I had a meltdown and hit my knees. He was there. I felt Him saying, "Oh ye of little faith! Haven't I proven myself enough with you lately?! Have faith. I've got this, too." God opened my eyes to my horrible self pity. It's a headache. Nothing more. I let a headache keep me from church.
In the meantime, some very dear friends have had scares of their own, all much worse than mine. I cried and prayed for these sweet ladies. While I was having my awful lumbar puncture, I was praying! I felt God's sweet assurance that He was in control in all these situations. Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I would rather have 10 liver biopsies that ever go through that again. Apparently the spinal fluid stopped flowing and he had to dig around a bit.
After the procedure, I had to lay flat for 2 hours. 2 hours staring at the ceiling. 2 hours of praying. I asked God for forgiveness for all the worrying. For not trusting Him enough to stay in good spirits and lift other people up. For wallowing in a little self pity when there were so many people suffering so much worse. God is amazing, people! He took away all my guilt, calmed my fears, and revealed His awesome miracles in the lives of some amazing women.
I did NOT let a headache keep me from church today. My headache and backache from the spinal were pretty bad today, but I thought of all the people across this world that wait for hours with no food, no electricity, no running water, and with fear of persecution, just to hear the word of God. I think of the woman I saw at church that was battling cancer that had to have help just to walk. She didn't let anything keep her from worshipping God! Why should we?
I should find out the results of my spinal tap today. Whatever it is, I know God has it under control. This is His plan for me and I will accept this journey with gladness.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh." 2 Corinthians 4:8-11.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
of awareness.
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Didn't think I could let that slip my blog, did ya? Of course, I am reminded of my scare only 5 months ago and the reason I started this blog. I found a lump. I never did self breast exams, but for some reason, while standing in the shower one day, I did. But I'm too young for breast cancer, so I waited. The lump got bigger. Finally got it checked out. Long story short. At the age of 32, the oncologist was 90% sure it was cancer. Talk about changing the way you look at your life! Can we say, "reality check?" Scheduled immediate surgery for lumpectomy. To all of the doctors surprise, it was not cancer. It was a juvenile fibroadenoma. I had beat the odds. God had worked an amazing miracle and spared me from cancer. I have a large, red scar on my right breast to remind me everyday of this miracle. I go for my check up next month, but know I'm in the clear. Why? Because I am now religious about doing my self breast exams!!!
Now, with all that said. If you are reading this, have you done a self breast exam lately? I don't care if you are 20 or 90 years old. Breast cancer is found in younger and younger women now. Age means nothing to cancer. Please, it only takes a few short minutes. If your are male, please, please, encourage every woman you care about to do a breast self exam. It could very well save their lives!
This experience has changed my life. It has also changed the way I look at friends. When I see those pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbons, I am reminded of my dear sweet friends that wore pink for me on the day of my surgery. I think of all the thoughtful scriptures, prayers and messages send to me on the day of my surgery, especially that beautiful scripture I read while they were putting in my IV! I was amazed at the sweet support I received even from total strangers.
I'm sure you have heard the saying that you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I used to wish I had more of those elusive lifetime friends. I have a totally different take on that now. I truly think God sends angels in the form of friends and acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers, to pick us up and give us encouragement when we need it the most. I had people who were just friends of friends or facebook friends that supported me in their sweet thoughts and words. I cried when I saw that people were wearing pink for me! I had a sweet fried I hadn't seen in a while drop by unexpectedly to bring a wonderful meal to my family while I was recovering, and I read and re-read all the sweet thoughts on this blog. On the flip side, I also had friends I considered close that never called, but life is busy and that is life, so I understand. Does this mean I won't be there for them because they weren't there for me? Absolutely not! Life has no room for selfishness. How many times have I dissappointed God? Has He turned His back on me? Absolutely not! He is my #1 lifetime friend, and as long as I have Him, I am blessed beyond measure!
So, I no longer classify my friends. I consider them all angels who have helped me in so many ways during this past crazy year and a half, and even before then. I also feel that even if I don't talk to someone on a regular basis, it's okay to be there when they need it. I hope to also be that person of encouragement whenever needed by any of my "angels" or even just perfect strangers.
I saw a lady in Brookshires a few weeks ago. She was on her phone and was visibly upset. She hung up her phone and stood there trying to compose herself. This image is burned in my mind. Why? Because I felt God pulling me to offer words of encouragement or pray with her, but I didn't. I didn't offer my support when someone needed it the most. I feel just awful and think of this every day. I can assure you, that if I ever see this again, I will listen to God and have no regrets. I hope you do this as well. It doesn't matter how well you do or do not know someone, sometimes we all need a little encouragement. So, slow down a bit and listen to that quiet voice of God. He will lead you to where and who needs it the most. Trust Him.
On another note, in case you were wondering, I have upped my dosages of immunosuppressants and am still having hives (although now as bad) and now, just to spice things up a bit, have had new symptoms. I have had random joint pain and swelling and some other symptoms that are leading my doctors to now think we are dealing with Lupus. However, we are not officially diagnosing anything yet. I have a young, eager rheumatologist, whom I love, that has scoured his medical books and thinks he is on to something in this rare genetic disease. So, I go for more genetic testing to see if his hunch is right. If so, this will completely change my course of treatment. So, the drama continues...
I also would like to thank my sweet "angels" who have gotten wreaths or tutus from me. You have no idea how much this has meant to my family. With the medical bills rolling in, everything helps more than you know.
So, this is the day, I am beyond thankful for God's tender mercy and his miraculous miracles He has worked on me and my family. This is the day I will continue my life and try to help as many people as God allows. This is the day I will not let this disease rule my life. This is the day I will live my life to please God. This is also the day I will strongly encourage you to do a self breast exam! This is the day I am so thankful for all my friends and angels!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Didn't think I could let that slip my blog, did ya? Of course, I am reminded of my scare only 5 months ago and the reason I started this blog. I found a lump. I never did self breast exams, but for some reason, while standing in the shower one day, I did. But I'm too young for breast cancer, so I waited. The lump got bigger. Finally got it checked out. Long story short. At the age of 32, the oncologist was 90% sure it was cancer. Talk about changing the way you look at your life! Can we say, "reality check?" Scheduled immediate surgery for lumpectomy. To all of the doctors surprise, it was not cancer. It was a juvenile fibroadenoma. I had beat the odds. God had worked an amazing miracle and spared me from cancer. I have a large, red scar on my right breast to remind me everyday of this miracle. I go for my check up next month, but know I'm in the clear. Why? Because I am now religious about doing my self breast exams!!!
Now, with all that said. If you are reading this, have you done a self breast exam lately? I don't care if you are 20 or 90 years old. Breast cancer is found in younger and younger women now. Age means nothing to cancer. Please, it only takes a few short minutes. If your are male, please, please, encourage every woman you care about to do a breast self exam. It could very well save their lives!
This experience has changed my life. It has also changed the way I look at friends. When I see those pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbons, I am reminded of my dear sweet friends that wore pink for me on the day of my surgery. I think of all the thoughtful scriptures, prayers and messages send to me on the day of my surgery, especially that beautiful scripture I read while they were putting in my IV! I was amazed at the sweet support I received even from total strangers.
I'm sure you have heard the saying that you have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I used to wish I had more of those elusive lifetime friends. I have a totally different take on that now. I truly think God sends angels in the form of friends and acquaintances and sometimes even perfect strangers, to pick us up and give us encouragement when we need it the most. I had people who were just friends of friends or facebook friends that supported me in their sweet thoughts and words. I cried when I saw that people were wearing pink for me! I had a sweet fried I hadn't seen in a while drop by unexpectedly to bring a wonderful meal to my family while I was recovering, and I read and re-read all the sweet thoughts on this blog. On the flip side, I also had friends I considered close that never called, but life is busy and that is life, so I understand. Does this mean I won't be there for them because they weren't there for me? Absolutely not! Life has no room for selfishness. How many times have I dissappointed God? Has He turned His back on me? Absolutely not! He is my #1 lifetime friend, and as long as I have Him, I am blessed beyond measure!
So, I no longer classify my friends. I consider them all angels who have helped me in so many ways during this past crazy year and a half, and even before then. I also feel that even if I don't talk to someone on a regular basis, it's okay to be there when they need it. I hope to also be that person of encouragement whenever needed by any of my "angels" or even just perfect strangers.
I saw a lady in Brookshires a few weeks ago. She was on her phone and was visibly upset. She hung up her phone and stood there trying to compose herself. This image is burned in my mind. Why? Because I felt God pulling me to offer words of encouragement or pray with her, but I didn't. I didn't offer my support when someone needed it the most. I feel just awful and think of this every day. I can assure you, that if I ever see this again, I will listen to God and have no regrets. I hope you do this as well. It doesn't matter how well you do or do not know someone, sometimes we all need a little encouragement. So, slow down a bit and listen to that quiet voice of God. He will lead you to where and who needs it the most. Trust Him.
On another note, in case you were wondering, I have upped my dosages of immunosuppressants and am still having hives (although now as bad) and now, just to spice things up a bit, have had new symptoms. I have had random joint pain and swelling and some other symptoms that are leading my doctors to now think we are dealing with Lupus. However, we are not officially diagnosing anything yet. I have a young, eager rheumatologist, whom I love, that has scoured his medical books and thinks he is on to something in this rare genetic disease. So, I go for more genetic testing to see if his hunch is right. If so, this will completely change my course of treatment. So, the drama continues...
I also would like to thank my sweet "angels" who have gotten wreaths or tutus from me. You have no idea how much this has meant to my family. With the medical bills rolling in, everything helps more than you know.
So, this is the day, I am beyond thankful for God's tender mercy and his miraculous miracles He has worked on me and my family. This is the day I will continue my life and try to help as many people as God allows. This is the day I will not let this disease rule my life. This is the day I will live my life to please God. This is also the day I will strongly encourage you to do a self breast exam! This is the day I am so thankful for all my friends and angels!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
that I began treatment...
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I began my treatment plan. I finally heard from my Mayo doctor as to the exact treatment plan he wanted me on. This phone call was not the best, but not the worst, either. Just not quite what I expected.
When I spoke to dermatology docs, they told me about a drug they would probably try me on that isn't that much of an immunosuppressent, not enough to alter my life. Well, the rheumatologist, who is my primary care, informed me that I couldn't take that drug because I was allergic to sulpha drugs. Instead he wanted me on a slightly stronger treatment plan. Ok, stronger drug = quicker recovery = back to my old self in no time, right? Wrong. He wants me to stay on the steroids (boo!), and add two immunosuppressents to it, one of which was originally designed to keep heart transplant patients from rejecting their new heart. The other med I apparently have to get an eye exam before I start it and while I'm on it because it can cause blind spots. So, goodbye non-altered lifestyle, hello, frequent labs to check white count and staying away from large crowds and anyone who could potentially be sick.
As if that isn't enough, it looks as if this treatment plan will take an additional 1 - 1 1/2 years before I can finally wean off all these additional meds. He also continued to stress the importance of knowing that I had a disease and I was "in it for the long haul." This was not exactly what I expected to hear. It took me 2 days before I could talk about it to anyone without showing the strong emotions behind the "everything is gonna be okay" smile. I also didn't want to update the blog when I felt more negative emotions than positive.
So I put it in perspective. What is a year and a half in the big scheme of things? I think of how God patiently waits for each and every one of us. What if He gave up on us after a year and a half. Our God is such a patient God. I have prayed many, many time for patience, and I think I am learning my lesson. We live in a time of instant gratification. As if making mac n cheese out of a box wasn't easy enough, now we have easy mac that's already in a cup. Just add water. As if scrambling an egg wasn't easy enough, now they have frozen scrambled eggs. Just heat in microwave. No one has time for anything anymore.
Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down a little and listen to what God is trying to tell us, our priorities will fall in place and the world won't seem so rushed. When was the last time you slowed down, hit your knees, and really listened to God? Sometimes we have our lives so planned, where every minute is scheduled for something, we barely have time to sleep. Do we have time for God? Is God in our schedule?
When your health is failing, you realize real quick who holds tomorrow, and it's not your boss at work. God can take away all that He has graciously given you in an instant. Are you making the most of each day, taking time to enjoy your family and thank God for all He has provided you? Are you taking time for Him each day to allow Him to guide your steps?
Myself and my family was definitely led to First Baptist Haughton, and have been blessed with a wonderful church family and many opportunities to grow with God. I truly felt as if I was being led to mission work and was ready to join the choir and help out in any way I could at the church. Then I got the phone call last week about not being around large crowds. Well, there goes those plans. Apparently they were more my plans than God's. I am truly confused now. I just have to continue to have faith that He will lead me to where He needs me to be. I have to admit, this is hard. I feel somewhat defeated. And if today is any indication as to how these meds make me feel, it is definitely going to be a hard year. I feel as if I am not the best mother and wife I can be when these meds make me feel like I've been hit by a truck, and this is only the 3rd dose.
This is where God comes in. I know from experience and I know this will be no different. He hasn't failed me yet, so...
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I began my treatment plan. I finally heard from my Mayo doctor as to the exact treatment plan he wanted me on. This phone call was not the best, but not the worst, either. Just not quite what I expected.
When I spoke to dermatology docs, they told me about a drug they would probably try me on that isn't that much of an immunosuppressent, not enough to alter my life. Well, the rheumatologist, who is my primary care, informed me that I couldn't take that drug because I was allergic to sulpha drugs. Instead he wanted me on a slightly stronger treatment plan. Ok, stronger drug = quicker recovery = back to my old self in no time, right? Wrong. He wants me to stay on the steroids (boo!), and add two immunosuppressents to it, one of which was originally designed to keep heart transplant patients from rejecting their new heart. The other med I apparently have to get an eye exam before I start it and while I'm on it because it can cause blind spots. So, goodbye non-altered lifestyle, hello, frequent labs to check white count and staying away from large crowds and anyone who could potentially be sick.
As if that isn't enough, it looks as if this treatment plan will take an additional 1 - 1 1/2 years before I can finally wean off all these additional meds. He also continued to stress the importance of knowing that I had a disease and I was "in it for the long haul." This was not exactly what I expected to hear. It took me 2 days before I could talk about it to anyone without showing the strong emotions behind the "everything is gonna be okay" smile. I also didn't want to update the blog when I felt more negative emotions than positive.
So I put it in perspective. What is a year and a half in the big scheme of things? I think of how God patiently waits for each and every one of us. What if He gave up on us after a year and a half. Our God is such a patient God. I have prayed many, many time for patience, and I think I am learning my lesson. We live in a time of instant gratification. As if making mac n cheese out of a box wasn't easy enough, now we have easy mac that's already in a cup. Just add water. As if scrambling an egg wasn't easy enough, now they have frozen scrambled eggs. Just heat in microwave. No one has time for anything anymore.
Maybe, just maybe, if we slow down a little and listen to what God is trying to tell us, our priorities will fall in place and the world won't seem so rushed. When was the last time you slowed down, hit your knees, and really listened to God? Sometimes we have our lives so planned, where every minute is scheduled for something, we barely have time to sleep. Do we have time for God? Is God in our schedule?
When your health is failing, you realize real quick who holds tomorrow, and it's not your boss at work. God can take away all that He has graciously given you in an instant. Are you making the most of each day, taking time to enjoy your family and thank God for all He has provided you? Are you taking time for Him each day to allow Him to guide your steps?
Myself and my family was definitely led to First Baptist Haughton, and have been blessed with a wonderful church family and many opportunities to grow with God. I truly felt as if I was being led to mission work and was ready to join the choir and help out in any way I could at the church. Then I got the phone call last week about not being around large crowds. Well, there goes those plans. Apparently they were more my plans than God's. I am truly confused now. I just have to continue to have faith that He will lead me to where He needs me to be. I have to admit, this is hard. I feel somewhat defeated. And if today is any indication as to how these meds make me feel, it is definitely going to be a hard year. I feel as if I am not the best mother and wife I can be when these meds make me feel like I've been hit by a truck, and this is only the 3rd dose.
This is where God comes in. I know from experience and I know this will be no different. He hasn't failed me yet, so...
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
...that I have an official diagnosis!
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I finally heard from The Mayo Clinic. All test results are in. This is the day I finally have an official diagnosis. Drumroll, please...
Urticarial Vasculitis in addition to Chronic Autoimmune Urticaria
My reaction? Well, I really don't care what they call it. All I care is if they can fix it! After more bloodwork, they will be starting me on a new immunosuppressant drug and slowly weaning off the steroids. Yay for no more steroids! Now I'm just hoping the new meds don't have more side effects than steroids. Well, the good Lord has led me this far, and I know He's not letting go now!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jeses, after you have suffered a while, perfece, establish, strengthen and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
Sometimes, waiting faithfully for God's plan to unfold is more important than understanding God's plan.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I finally heard from The Mayo Clinic. All test results are in. This is the day I finally have an official diagnosis. Drumroll, please...
Urticarial Vasculitis in addition to Chronic Autoimmune Urticaria
My reaction? Well, I really don't care what they call it. All I care is if they can fix it! After more bloodwork, they will be starting me on a new immunosuppressant drug and slowly weaning off the steroids. Yay for no more steroids! Now I'm just hoping the new meds don't have more side effects than steroids. Well, the good Lord has led me this far, and I know He's not letting go now!
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jeses, after you have suffered a while, perfece, establish, strengthen and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10
Sometimes, waiting faithfully for God's plan to unfold is more important than understanding God's plan.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
that I found many blessings in disguise, have you?
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I did not hear from The Mayo Clinic. I was supposed to hear something by last Friday, but I heard nothing. The Mayo did call yesterday, however, just to let me know they are still waiting on some test results and would call me as soon as they had answers.
This is the day I have patience. This is the day I know God is leading the doctors to answers and I will have them soon enough. The end of the tunnel is up ahead and I'm headed straight for it.
As I wait patiently for the answers from the doctors, I think back on the journey through the tunnel. A dark miserable tunnel that has produced so many blessings. Blessings? What? Yes, that's what I said. I have had awful hives, life altering hives, life altering medication and two cancer scares in a year. Yes, I said blessings.
Ode To Hives
They came without warning
They left bruises, were itchy and red
They made me absolutely miserable
Covering me from my toes to my head.
But what they didn't count on
Is that in the midst of my misery
That God would reach down
And pour out so many blessings on me!
For while I cried out for healing
God was moving in my life
He was changing me from the inside
All the while knowing my pain, my hurt, my strife.
The doctors threw up their hands
"There's nothing more we can do"
But God was leading me
He was not through.
God opened my eyes to so many things
He blessed me greatly, and my family, too
For I am completely changed within
I am a child of God, through and through!
And if all this came about
Through a mystery that kept the doctors guessing,
I will look at this chapter in my life
As not a curse, but His great blessing!
So, when life has you down. When you pray, but don't seem to see your prayers answered. When you feel like you are drowning in everything this life has thrown at you. When you throw up your hands and say, "What next?" or "Well, it can't get any worse." When you just don't want to face another day, just think of the blessings in your life. God is there, I assure you.
I heard a song that touched me greatly and hope to sing it one day. Here are a few words from the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
So look back on your life. The good times and bad. What miracles did God work for you? What prayers did He answer for you? Do you remember them? All the time? Oh, how easy it is to forget all the miraculous things God did for us! All I have to do is look at my scars. I have accumulated quite a few over the past year. They are beautiful to me! They remind me of the amazing miracles God gave me! Never forget what God has done! He loves you and He shows you all the time! Are you seeing it? Do you have the faith that opens your eyes and heart to these miracles?
While I think about my miracles, I am humbled. He did all this for me? What can I do to repay Him? This is yet to be determined. Going to church and studying God's word is helping me to be open to His plan for me. If you don't have a church home, please, please find one. This has really been on my heart. What are we doing to serve Him and thank Him for all He has done? Also, is the God we worship and thank on Sunday, the same God we are TGIF'ing on Friday? "Let Others See Jesus In You," was my grandfather's favorite hymn. I have found myself singing this to myself quite a lot lately. Do others see Jesus in you? Are we as quick to share our blessings and miracles as we are to complain?
Don't miss out on a wonderful opportunity to serve the God that has so richly blessed you! I can never return the favor, but I can sure try.
Over the past year, my friends have often said, "I know when I talk to Krissy, there is always something new." Well, boy are they right. Except now, that something new isn't a new ailment, it's my soul.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that I did not hear from The Mayo Clinic. I was supposed to hear something by last Friday, but I heard nothing. The Mayo did call yesterday, however, just to let me know they are still waiting on some test results and would call me as soon as they had answers.
This is the day I have patience. This is the day I know God is leading the doctors to answers and I will have them soon enough. The end of the tunnel is up ahead and I'm headed straight for it.
As I wait patiently for the answers from the doctors, I think back on the journey through the tunnel. A dark miserable tunnel that has produced so many blessings. Blessings? What? Yes, that's what I said. I have had awful hives, life altering hives, life altering medication and two cancer scares in a year. Yes, I said blessings.
Ode To Hives
They came without warning
They left bruises, were itchy and red
They made me absolutely miserable
Covering me from my toes to my head.
But what they didn't count on
Is that in the midst of my misery
That God would reach down
And pour out so many blessings on me!
For while I cried out for healing
God was moving in my life
He was changing me from the inside
All the while knowing my pain, my hurt, my strife.
The doctors threw up their hands
"There's nothing more we can do"
But God was leading me
He was not through.
God opened my eyes to so many things
He blessed me greatly, and my family, too
For I am completely changed within
I am a child of God, through and through!
And if all this came about
Through a mystery that kept the doctors guessing,
I will look at this chapter in my life
As not a curse, but His great blessing!
So, when life has you down. When you pray, but don't seem to see your prayers answered. When you feel like you are drowning in everything this life has thrown at you. When you throw up your hands and say, "What next?" or "Well, it can't get any worse." When you just don't want to face another day, just think of the blessings in your life. God is there, I assure you.
I heard a song that touched me greatly and hope to sing it one day. Here are a few words from the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
So look back on your life. The good times and bad. What miracles did God work for you? What prayers did He answer for you? Do you remember them? All the time? Oh, how easy it is to forget all the miraculous things God did for us! All I have to do is look at my scars. I have accumulated quite a few over the past year. They are beautiful to me! They remind me of the amazing miracles God gave me! Never forget what God has done! He loves you and He shows you all the time! Are you seeing it? Do you have the faith that opens your eyes and heart to these miracles?
While I think about my miracles, I am humbled. He did all this for me? What can I do to repay Him? This is yet to be determined. Going to church and studying God's word is helping me to be open to His plan for me. If you don't have a church home, please, please find one. This has really been on my heart. What are we doing to serve Him and thank Him for all He has done? Also, is the God we worship and thank on Sunday, the same God we are TGIF'ing on Friday? "Let Others See Jesus In You," was my grandfather's favorite hymn. I have found myself singing this to myself quite a lot lately. Do others see Jesus in you? Are we as quick to share our blessings and miracles as we are to complain?
Don't miss out on a wonderful opportunity to serve the God that has so richly blessed you! I can never return the favor, but I can sure try.
Over the past year, my friends have often said, "I know when I talk to Krissy, there is always something new." Well, boy are they right. Except now, that something new isn't a new ailment, it's my soul.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
That I went to the Mayo Clinic and drank from The Fountain of Youth!
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I became a patient at the Mayo Clinic. This is also the day I drank out of The Fountain of Youth.
I haven't flown in forever. Alexandria airport was a breeze. Atlanta, not so much. We exited our plane and speed walked to our gate because we were cutting it close for time. We shouldn't have rushed. Plane delayed an hour. Not bad. Then we finally boarded the gigantic plane, and here comes a storm. Two hours later, we finally leave the runway. On a wing and a prayer, cause I was doing some serious praying while watching the lightening all around us.
Safely landed in Jacksonville, got our rental car, told guy at rental car place he was crazy if he thought I was paying an additional $26 per day for insurance (on top of the $35 per day) and headed out in the middle of the night. In a rental car. With no insurance. In a strange city. Praying some more. Finally found our hotel! Thank you Jesus!
Tuesday. This is the day of my initial Mayo appointment at 1:15. Woke up at 7:00 am, with either a stomach virus or food poisoning. I'll spare you details. Not pretty. Couldn't leave the bathroom. I was soooo sick! Thank you prayer warriors! With all those prayers, God helped me make my appointment. Paper bag in hand, pale and weak, but I made it!
The Internal Medicine / Rheumatologist was very thorough and nice. He asked lots of questions. He said my case is complicated and rare. Imagine that. However he did say "there is always something we can do!" Thank you Lord. That sounds promising to me! So, he ordered tons of bloodwork and set up appointments with Allergy/Immunology and a Dermatologist that specializes in autoimmune diseases. Oh, and stop all meds until you see all docs. Say what?!? Uh, yeah, I am now covered in hives and bruises from hives. The upside: no one ever sits really close to you :-/
This is the day I had bloodwork only. Well, 23 tubes of blood. Then we headed to St. Augustine! Such an awesome city! Such amazing history! And shopping! We really did visit The Fountain of Youth. Well, when Ponce de Leon landed and named the land Floridia, he knew he had found the fountain of youth because the natives lived to be 70-80 years old. An age completely unheard of back then. Anyway, the water smeed like eggs because of the sulfer content, but I drank it, every drop. Well, I was sadly disappointed!
Today, I didn't recieve the miracle of youth from a fountain, but the miracles I recieved and am about to recieve doesn't come from a fountain. It comes from a higher source! I have complete faith God had led me here for a reason. He is working through these amazing doctors, I know it. I am covered in hives and bruises from hives, but I know all of this is about over. The doctor said he would call me next week with results from this week.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed and continues to pray! I definitely feel your prayers! We serve an amazing God! I can't wait to reveal His next miracle!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day I became a patient at the Mayo Clinic. This is also the day I drank out of The Fountain of Youth.
I haven't flown in forever. Alexandria airport was a breeze. Atlanta, not so much. We exited our plane and speed walked to our gate because we were cutting it close for time. We shouldn't have rushed. Plane delayed an hour. Not bad. Then we finally boarded the gigantic plane, and here comes a storm. Two hours later, we finally leave the runway. On a wing and a prayer, cause I was doing some serious praying while watching the lightening all around us.
Safely landed in Jacksonville, got our rental car, told guy at rental car place he was crazy if he thought I was paying an additional $26 per day for insurance (on top of the $35 per day) and headed out in the middle of the night. In a rental car. With no insurance. In a strange city. Praying some more. Finally found our hotel! Thank you Jesus!
Tuesday. This is the day of my initial Mayo appointment at 1:15. Woke up at 7:00 am, with either a stomach virus or food poisoning. I'll spare you details. Not pretty. Couldn't leave the bathroom. I was soooo sick! Thank you prayer warriors! With all those prayers, God helped me make my appointment. Paper bag in hand, pale and weak, but I made it!
The Internal Medicine / Rheumatologist was very thorough and nice. He asked lots of questions. He said my case is complicated and rare. Imagine that. However he did say "there is always something we can do!" Thank you Lord. That sounds promising to me! So, he ordered tons of bloodwork and set up appointments with Allergy/Immunology and a Dermatologist that specializes in autoimmune diseases. Oh, and stop all meds until you see all docs. Say what?!? Uh, yeah, I am now covered in hives and bruises from hives. The upside: no one ever sits really close to you :-/
This is the day I had bloodwork only. Well, 23 tubes of blood. Then we headed to St. Augustine! Such an awesome city! Such amazing history! And shopping! We really did visit The Fountain of Youth. Well, when Ponce de Leon landed and named the land Floridia, he knew he had found the fountain of youth because the natives lived to be 70-80 years old. An age completely unheard of back then. Anyway, the water smeed like eggs because of the sulfer content, but I drank it, every drop. Well, I was sadly disappointed!
Today, I didn't recieve the miracle of youth from a fountain, but the miracles I recieved and am about to recieve doesn't come from a fountain. It comes from a higher source! I have complete faith God had led me here for a reason. He is working through these amazing doctors, I know it. I am covered in hives and bruises from hives, but I know all of this is about over. The doctor said he would call me next week with results from this week.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed and continues to pray! I definitely feel your prayers! We serve an amazing God! I can't wait to reveal His next miracle!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Monday, July 25, 2011
it's been one year...
"...that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that it has been one year and one week since the hives began. I am glad to report that right now, they are not life-altering. That means I can wear clothes without them driving me insane and the hives aren't leaving bruises. I still have hives every morning, but usually by noon or 2 p.m., they have faded. Someone who recently had a round with hives, told me they couldn't imagine having them for an entire year and didn't know how I did it. Well, it's amazing what you can do and handle with God right by your side. Lots of prayer. That's how I can do it.
Someone else made the comment that they were glad that God finally blessed me and eased the hives. My response was that even when the hives were awful, God was continually blessing me. This past year has been trying, I admit, but it has been a wonderful year. Myself and my family have been blessed beyond measure this year and I have seen God's hand at work more than ever before. My husband found God and was baptized! That alone made this a great year!
I feel closer to God than ever before. I feel it was through the hives that God taught me so many things. Patience has been one of those things. My wise mother always told me to be careful when I prayed for patience. For it is only through trying times that we learn patience. Well, boy was she right. When the hives would cover my body and itch, sting and leave bruises; when the steroids made me gain so much weight and made me unrecognizable; when I thought the hives would never stop; well, that's when God would step in. He would calm me. I would lean on Him. He would comfort me like never before. I knew it would be alright. Sometimes, when life breaks us down and brings us to our knees, we are in the perfect position to pray!
Compassion is something else I have learned. Compassion for other people. When you see someone that is large, when you are behind someone that is slow, when someone snaps at you or is rude, don't be quick to judge. You never know what that person is going through. That person could have an uncontrollable medical condition, or could have just received bad news. Have compassion for those around you. Pray for those who anger you, for you never know what demons they are dealing with. Most of all, don't judge. When the doctor said there was a 90% chance I had cancer, the world didn't stop like I thought it should. There is no telling what the people in the mall thought, when I took Molly there the day before my surgery. It was obvious I was spoiling her rotten and letting her get away with more than usual. What they didn't know is that I thought I had cancer and was scared to death that I wouldn't get to see her grow up.
Priorities. My priorities got put in order! I realized real quick that life can be taken away real quick. Will it matter what my profession or professional title was here on earth? Will it matter how much money I made? Will it matter how big my house was or how expensive my possessions were? No, No, No, No and No!!! So, if I put all my time, effort, and money in being "successful" what does that mean? What society sees as success is most definitely NOT what matters. What matters is, am I putting more effort into building my heavenly possessions as I am my earthly ones? What about you? Are you working nonstop just to make more and more money to pay for more and more possessions that you think you HAVE to have? Now, everyone has to work to provide for their family, I completely understand that and a hard worker is definitely to be commended, but has it taken over your life? Is your job your life? Or, better yet, in this day and age, did you throw anyone under the bus to get the position you hold now? I just hope and pray everyone is putting as much time and effort into building the heavenly kingdom as we are our earthly one.
Vanity. Now this one I am still working on. This one is hard and is a daily struggle with me. I have gained so much weight from being on steroids for an entire year, that I am unrecognizable. This is hard to swallow, but man do I see things differently from this perspective. Call it being paranoid, but I honestly feel as if I have been treated differently being the size I am. Well, I have treated myself differently, so what do I expect of others? I'm working on that, too. I had someone whom I spent time with because of an event. This person had all the trendy clothes, trendy cute hair, expensive trendy purse, and tiny, tan body. I made every effort to connect with this person since we had to spend a week working together, to no avail. I didn't look like her, dress like her or have the stuff she had. I was constantly asking questions about herself and her family, with not one question from her about myself or mine. Now, this could just have been a lack of southern manners, but either way, when someone is making an effort to get to know you, be friendly. It is what is on the inside that counts. True beauty comes from within. God makes us beautiful, not what we wear or how we appear on the outside. I tell myself this every day, and while my outward appearance has changed drastically, so has my inside appearance. God is in the process of an extreme makeover in me, and it's going to be awesome!
Self-worth. God is in the process of teaching me this one. I have been struggling with my self-worth. I am just a stay-at-home mom, I'm sick all the time, and I've gained weight. This will definitely take a toll on your self-worth. I sometimes feel as if the world is passing me by and I'm watching it from my living room window. I had an evening out with a few friends and I struggled with feeling like an outsider. I didn't know the newest and greatest music, I didn't know the latest news around town or happenings in the professional world, I wasn't wearing the trendiest clothes or shoes, and the only conversations I really chimed in on were about kids. Uh, hello, self-worth, are you in there? Also (and I can say this because my hubby doesn't read my blogs) when CJ had his surgery, I was able to see some of the people my husband works with on a daily basis. The people he spends as much of, and sometimes more of, his time with than me. Uh, can we say insecure?! However, I know he loves me, our family, and this life God and so generously blessed us with. God is working every day to increase my self-worth. I pray every day that I will be open to this blessing.
Since a lot of my self-worth is unfortunately tied to my weight, I am praying every day, sometimes many, many times a day, for self-control. I know my God is bigger than steroids. I am proud to say that, with God's help, I have lost 6.5 lbs in 2 weeks! I have a weight loss chart on my refrigerator with these scriptures:
"For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:6-8.
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your home fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:13.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So, I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
and of course....
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13.
So, this is the day it's been over a year since I have had hives, but this is also the day I realize just how much I have been blessed during this year. God is truly amazing and I see his miracles every day. In two weeks, I will leave to go to the Mayo clinic. I know God will continue to work miracles through the doctors there. I just know the hives are on their way out the door. I pray for each and every one of you and pray that you, too, will, see the miracles God is performing in your life.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
This is also the day that it has been one year and one week since the hives began. I am glad to report that right now, they are not life-altering. That means I can wear clothes without them driving me insane and the hives aren't leaving bruises. I still have hives every morning, but usually by noon or 2 p.m., they have faded. Someone who recently had a round with hives, told me they couldn't imagine having them for an entire year and didn't know how I did it. Well, it's amazing what you can do and handle with God right by your side. Lots of prayer. That's how I can do it.
Someone else made the comment that they were glad that God finally blessed me and eased the hives. My response was that even when the hives were awful, God was continually blessing me. This past year has been trying, I admit, but it has been a wonderful year. Myself and my family have been blessed beyond measure this year and I have seen God's hand at work more than ever before. My husband found God and was baptized! That alone made this a great year!
I feel closer to God than ever before. I feel it was through the hives that God taught me so many things. Patience has been one of those things. My wise mother always told me to be careful when I prayed for patience. For it is only through trying times that we learn patience. Well, boy was she right. When the hives would cover my body and itch, sting and leave bruises; when the steroids made me gain so much weight and made me unrecognizable; when I thought the hives would never stop; well, that's when God would step in. He would calm me. I would lean on Him. He would comfort me like never before. I knew it would be alright. Sometimes, when life breaks us down and brings us to our knees, we are in the perfect position to pray!
Compassion is something else I have learned. Compassion for other people. When you see someone that is large, when you are behind someone that is slow, when someone snaps at you or is rude, don't be quick to judge. You never know what that person is going through. That person could have an uncontrollable medical condition, or could have just received bad news. Have compassion for those around you. Pray for those who anger you, for you never know what demons they are dealing with. Most of all, don't judge. When the doctor said there was a 90% chance I had cancer, the world didn't stop like I thought it should. There is no telling what the people in the mall thought, when I took Molly there the day before my surgery. It was obvious I was spoiling her rotten and letting her get away with more than usual. What they didn't know is that I thought I had cancer and was scared to death that I wouldn't get to see her grow up.
Priorities. My priorities got put in order! I realized real quick that life can be taken away real quick. Will it matter what my profession or professional title was here on earth? Will it matter how much money I made? Will it matter how big my house was or how expensive my possessions were? No, No, No, No and No!!! So, if I put all my time, effort, and money in being "successful" what does that mean? What society sees as success is most definitely NOT what matters. What matters is, am I putting more effort into building my heavenly possessions as I am my earthly ones? What about you? Are you working nonstop just to make more and more money to pay for more and more possessions that you think you HAVE to have? Now, everyone has to work to provide for their family, I completely understand that and a hard worker is definitely to be commended, but has it taken over your life? Is your job your life? Or, better yet, in this day and age, did you throw anyone under the bus to get the position you hold now? I just hope and pray everyone is putting as much time and effort into building the heavenly kingdom as we are our earthly one.
Vanity. Now this one I am still working on. This one is hard and is a daily struggle with me. I have gained so much weight from being on steroids for an entire year, that I am unrecognizable. This is hard to swallow, but man do I see things differently from this perspective. Call it being paranoid, but I honestly feel as if I have been treated differently being the size I am. Well, I have treated myself differently, so what do I expect of others? I'm working on that, too. I had someone whom I spent time with because of an event. This person had all the trendy clothes, trendy cute hair, expensive trendy purse, and tiny, tan body. I made every effort to connect with this person since we had to spend a week working together, to no avail. I didn't look like her, dress like her or have the stuff she had. I was constantly asking questions about herself and her family, with not one question from her about myself or mine. Now, this could just have been a lack of southern manners, but either way, when someone is making an effort to get to know you, be friendly. It is what is on the inside that counts. True beauty comes from within. God makes us beautiful, not what we wear or how we appear on the outside. I tell myself this every day, and while my outward appearance has changed drastically, so has my inside appearance. God is in the process of an extreme makeover in me, and it's going to be awesome!
Self-worth. God is in the process of teaching me this one. I have been struggling with my self-worth. I am just a stay-at-home mom, I'm sick all the time, and I've gained weight. This will definitely take a toll on your self-worth. I sometimes feel as if the world is passing me by and I'm watching it from my living room window. I had an evening out with a few friends and I struggled with feeling like an outsider. I didn't know the newest and greatest music, I didn't know the latest news around town or happenings in the professional world, I wasn't wearing the trendiest clothes or shoes, and the only conversations I really chimed in on were about kids. Uh, hello, self-worth, are you in there? Also (and I can say this because my hubby doesn't read my blogs) when CJ had his surgery, I was able to see some of the people my husband works with on a daily basis. The people he spends as much of, and sometimes more of, his time with than me. Uh, can we say insecure?! However, I know he loves me, our family, and this life God and so generously blessed us with. God is working every day to increase my self-worth. I pray every day that I will be open to this blessing.
Since a lot of my self-worth is unfortunately tied to my weight, I am praying every day, sometimes many, many times a day, for self-control. I know my God is bigger than steroids. I am proud to say that, with God's help, I have lost 6.5 lbs in 2 weeks! I have a weight loss chart on my refrigerator with these scriptures:
"For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:6-8.
"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your home fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:13.
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So, I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.
and of course....
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13.
So, this is the day it's been over a year since I have had hives, but this is also the day I realize just how much I have been blessed during this year. God is truly amazing and I see his miracles every day. In two weeks, I will leave to go to the Mayo clinic. I know God will continue to work miracles through the doctors there. I just know the hives are on their way out the door. I pray for each and every one of you and pray that you, too, will, see the miracles God is performing in your life.
"This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
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